"You're Only As Good As Your Dumbest Kid" - Parenting

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Re: "You're Only As Good As Your Dumbest Kid" - Parenting

Postby Goose » 09 May 2017, 11:15

TheWolf wrote:Pup 1 was being a pain in the ass yesterday, not cleaning up his toys or whatever Wolfette asked him to do. I was in the other room and attempted to step in with Dad Voice by telling him to clean up. He replied, "I said I'm doing it. What are you an old man who can't hear anything." I didn't reply because I was trying to stifle a laugh. Then he goes, "Funny, right?" Kids are dicks.


Sonned by you own son!

I think that's called a Grand Sonning.
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Re: "You're Only As Good As Your Dumbest Kid" - Parenting

Postby SouthernYokel » 18 May 2017, 15:24

TheWolf wrote:
Theny wrote:Underrated parenting milestone: when they can buckle themselves in, and get in and out of the car on their own. Almost there with my youngest. [-o<


My oldest has reverted to pretending he's not capable of doing his own buckles. It's fun. Kids are fun.


Mine alternates between demanding to be helped in the bathroom (and if you are not fast enough to assist he will piss himself) to having a tantrum because you offer to help him go to the bathroom when it is obvious that he is a big boy who does it himself. Can't quite put my finger on who/what this reminds me of. yes i can, this reminds me of my wife.
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Re: "You're Only As Good As Your Dumbest Kid" - Parenting

Postby Briandong79 » 18 May 2017, 16:22

SouthernYokel wrote:
TheWolf wrote:
Theny wrote:Underrated parenting milestone: when they can buckle themselves in, and get in and out of the car on their own. Almost there with my youngest. [-o<


My oldest has reverted to pretending he's not capable of doing his own buckles. It's fun. Kids are fun.


Mine alternates between demanding to be helped in the bathroom (and if you are not fast enough to assist he will piss himself) to having a tantrum because you offer to help him go to the bathroom when it is obvious that he is a big boy who does it himself. Can't quite put my finger on who/what this reminds me of. yes i can, this reminds me of my wife.


Last night my 2 oldest kids were tooling around the living room naked after their bath, and I gave the middle kid a strict instruction that if he needed to go to the bathroom, he needed to tell me because he wasn't wearing a diaper. I then went in to clean up dishes. A minute later, he comes into the kitchen and says "daddy, I pooped." I immediately hustle him to the toilet, sit him down, and ask my oldest if his brother pooped anywhere in the living room. The look of disgust he gave me made me quite proud. In any case, apparently my middle kid thinks farting and pooping is the same thing. I told him to not get too eager to join SOTSG.

I agree wholeheartedly on the buckle milestone.
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Re: "You're Only As Good As Your Dumbest Kid" - Parenting

Postby TheWolf » 22 May 2017, 19:54

IMO it is nothing short of a miracle to be a parent and not be an alcoholic. That is all.
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Re: "You're Only As Good As Your Dumbest Kid" - Parenting

Postby Goose » 26 May 2017, 10:20

Goose is back at the complaint department again. I may have made this complaint in this very thread last year, but it bears repeating. My oldest daughter had her 7th grade academic awards the other night.

Last year they gave awards for straight A students, then gave out awards for creative writing, Spanish, math and maybe a few other classes. The straight A students got an intro like, "These students all worked very hard and received straight As" then they read everybody's names. The kids walked up, shook a hand, grabbed their certificate, then came back and sat down. But for the other awards (of which there were multiple winners of each) the teacher gave long, terrible speeches about each student. The whole thing went well over an hour.

This year, same thing. Except they added some award categories and gave out even more of the touchy-feely awards. This year that included participants in Mock Trial and Media Assistant students. Did the mock trial kids win district or something? No they participated. They gave academic awards to kids that participated as witnesses for a mock trial. WTF? And media assistants. They're the modern version of A/V students. They help the teachers hook the laptops up to the projectors and whatnot. They even gave out drama awards. The school put on one production (Bye Bye Birdie), so there wasn't a lot of suspense as to who won the actor/actress/supporting actor/ actress awards.

Next year I look forward to sitting through the ceremony where we can celebrate the fact that Johnny went a whole year without getting gum stuck in his hair and they give him a big fucking medal.
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Re: "You're Only As Good As Your Dumbest Kid" - Parenting

Postby chrisco » 26 May 2017, 10:22

Goose wrote:Next year I look forward to sitting through the ceremony where we can celebrate the fact that Johnny went a whole year without getting gum stuck in his hair and they give him a big fucking medal.


Why are you putting so much pressure on Johnny?
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Re: "You're Only As Good As Your Dumbest Kid" - Parenting

Postby MisterTambourineMan » 26 May 2017, 10:27

chrisco wrote:
Goose wrote:Next year I look forward to sitting through the ceremony where we can celebrate the fact that Johnny went a whole year without getting gum stuck in his hair and they give him a big fucking medal.


Why are you putting so much pressure on Johnny?


He makes a point, Goose. Johnny just learned to tie his shoes and now you think he's going a year without gum in his hair? Lower your expectations, man.
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Re: "You're Only As Good As Your Dumbest Kid" - Parenting

Postby TheWolf » 26 May 2017, 10:34

Goose wrote:Goose is back at the complaint department again. I may have made this complaint in this very thread last year, but it bears repeating. My oldest daughter had her 7th grade academic awards the other night.


Sorry to hear your daughter had to repeat 7th grade. /RIP Anus /flush
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Re: "You're Only As Good As Your Dumbest Kid" - Parenting

Postby SouthernYokel » 30 May 2017, 10:16

Goose wrote:participants in Mock Trial


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Re: "You're Only As Good As Your Dumbest Kid" - Parenting

Postby Briandong79 » 09 Jun 2017, 14:24

Oldest kid puked last night. We were on such a long string of zero pukes, sad to turn the countdown clock back to 0 days since last puke.

My conversation with him on the bathroom floor made me laugh:

Oldest-I'm throwing up but nothing comes out.
Me-It's called dry heaving, it means there's nothing left in your stomach.

(moment goes by)

Oldest--It sucks.
Me--Yup, sure does.
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Re: "You're Only As Good As Your Dumbest Kid" - Parenting

Postby Gregs Kite » 09 Jun 2017, 14:26

Briandong79 wrote:Oldest kid puked last night. We were on such a long string of zero pukes, sad to turn the countdown clock back to 0 days since last puke.

My conversation with him on the bathroom floor made me laugh:

Oldest-I'm throwing up but nothing comes out.
Me-It's called dry heaving, it means there's nothing left in your stomach.

(moment goes by)

Oldest--It sucks.
Me--Yup, sure does.


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Re: "You're Only As Good As Your Dumbest Kid" - Parenting

Postby TheWolf » 11 Jun 2017, 07:05

"It's called dry heaving. You'll learn to love it one day."
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Re: "You're Only As Good As Your Dumbest Kid" - Parenting

Postby Theny » 11 Jun 2017, 07:38

"One day you'll move to the northeast and do that in the shower every Monday morning."
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Re: "You're Only As Good As Your Dumbest Kid" - Parenting

Postby Gregs Kite » 11 Jun 2017, 07:56

Not every morning. That's a little excessive.
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Re: "You're Only As Good As Your Dumbest Kid" - Parenting

Postby Briandong79 » 12 Jun 2017, 09:12

At supper last night:

Wife: Did you boys ask Daddy what he wants for Father's Day yet?
Oldest: Daddy, what do you want for Fathers Day?
Me: I don't know, what do you think I would like?
Oldest: Something to drink?

:tear: They know me so well.
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