Gregs Kite wrote:
Vlad Putin's daughter:
As our hero loosened the vise grip of his hands and arose slowly from his knees, he could hardly believe what he saw. What had been just moments ago, the last guerrilla on earth, lay there motionless, the deep black hue of his skin having given way to a fallow purple. He stared up at the wise council of elders on the dais in front of him, Donald Trump, Bill Belichick, Larry Bird, and of course the supreme leader of the Race, Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin. They remained unflinching in their expression, waiting for him to say something. He looked down at the fresh corpse and shouted "Who's so fackin good at sparts now!!!" This elicited nods and chuckles. Supreme Leader Putin summoned an interpreter with the wave of the hand. After speaking in a measured tone in Russian, the interpreter, none other than his beautiful daughter, intoned "On behalf of the great white race, who have beat back the Muslim invaders and gave the world such amazing feats of craftsmanship as Bud Light and Pop Tarts, we thank you for your invaluable service. There is no better soldier to have served ARE cause, as you have fought bravely and victoriously." After a brief pause, the Supreme Leader cut in: "End Byeeegly!" This elicited a hearty guffaw from Trump, as well as the others. How amazing that this man could poke fun at his own inabilitiy to speak English. So shining a White Knight, who had saved America, who had risked an international incident to get an FSB agent to uranium-poison some dumb jew bitch from Deadspin who threatened the Republic with her tweets implying that discrimination against blacks both existed and was immoral...Both heroic and humble in equal measure!
Putin's daughter, then descended the velvet staircase below the dais and placed a medal around our hero's neck. It shown brilliantly of gold, on it a leprechaun shaking the hand of a bear. She then planted a kiss on his cheek, at which point our hero picked her up joyously with both hands and began walking her out. Trump cut in, "Without this guy, some bad hombre would have been doing this to you by force!" Belichick shouted "watch where you put that medallion ". Bird simply lifted two fingers in the air as he puffed on a cigar, saying nothing. But even if he had, our hero would have heard none of it, already on cloud 9 about to fuck this noble princess. And why shouldn't he want to fuck her?