Best Stand-Up Bits

Other stuff in other stuff.

Re: Best Stand-Up Bits

Postby BostonSucksMyBalls » 21 Apr 2017, 14:37

mj3528 wrote:Amy Schumer thanks store employee for preventing her from becoming a tru SOTSGER

http://www.msn.com/en-us/movies/celebrity/amy-schumer-buys-dollar2000-mattress-for-store-employee-who-let-her-use-the-bathroom/ar-BBA7ARF?li=BBnb7Kz

The Snatched star was jogging around Chicago recently when she stopped into the local Six Corners Mattress Firm hoping for an emergency bathroom.

Sagine Lazarre, the store employee, happily pointed her towards the restroom, not realizing the desperate jogger was Schumer.

Grateful for the hospitality, Schumer walked up to Lazarre on her way out and asked which mattress was her favorite. She then bought the $2,000 mattress on the spot as a gesture of her appreciation.

effen pig
PS: I will never like July 27th. It will always be the day Reggie died. I just hate this day. True Celtic fans know what I mean.

"i'm relatively confident her asshole" - Farva
User avatar
BostonSucksMyBalls
Work Creep
 
Posts: 29415
Joined: 26 Aug 2005, 09:59

Re: Best Stand-Up Bits

Postby BigJohnStudd » 22 Apr 2017, 16:01

Maybe if Patton Oswalt's wife loved her family more than her drug addiction, she'd still be alive today.

Patton Oswalt writes movingly on the one-year anniversary of his wife’s death

It's awful, but it's not fatal.

That's the dispatch I'm sending back from exactly one year into this shadow-slog. A year ago today -- an hour from now, I'm just realizing -- I came back from dropping Alice off at school. I'd let Michelle sleep in. Got our daughter dressed and ready for school -- lunch packed, class folder in her backpack. I stopped on the way home to buy Michelle an Americano and left it on her bedside table around 9:30am. Went up to my office, did some writing, answered some e-mails, Tweeted some thoughts on Prince dying. There was an art show at Alice's school in the afternoon and my wife and I were going to go, get dragged around the room by Alice as she chattered about her artwork and the work of her classmates. Except instead I came back down into the house and the life i knew was gone.

I'm one year into this new life -- one I never even imagined, and I can imagine some pretty pessimistic and dark contingencies, some stomach-freezing "what ifs." But not this one. This one had such a flat, un-poetic immediacy. The world gazes at you like a hungry but indifferent reptile when you're widowed.


Drug Den! Patton Oswalt’s Late Wife Hid Cocaine, Painkillers, Party Pills & More

According to the autopsy papers exclusively obtained by Radar, the 46-year-old had prescription bottles of Bupropion, an antidepressant, Cefdinir, an antibiotic, and Naproxen, an anti-inflammatory drug. All were prescribed to McNamara.

A prescription bottle missing a label was filled with Xanax. While speaking the cops, Oswalt, 48, claimed the medication belonged to him.

But in more sinister findings, officials called to the death scene found TFMPP, or Legal X, a recreational drug often sold as an alternative to MDMA, or ecstasy. The pill was embossed with a lightning bolt, and was hidden inside a small plastic bag tucked away inside a larger bag.

In additional, they discovered cocaine and levamisole, a dewormer for livestock often mixed with the hard drug, inside a small brown vial, also covered in a plastic bag.

Officials also found painkillers oxycodone and hydrocodone, and Dextroamphetamine, a dangerous stimulant that can lead to psychosis and heart failure.

The painkillers and stimulants were NOT prescribed to the mother of one.
User avatar
BigJohnStudd
Skin Suit
 
Posts: 3322
Joined: 08 Oct 2009, 00:01

Re: Best Stand-Up Bits

Postby Iron Mike Sharpe » 22 Apr 2017, 19:11

She had fun.
User avatar
Iron Mike Sharpe
Full of good cheer
 
Posts: 17569
Joined: 11 May 2007, 13:07

Re: Best Stand-Up Bits

Postby Jew Jitsu » 22 Apr 2017, 22:58

Pretty fucked up to have all your shit aired out in the open like that just cause she's married to some famous dude. Media is awful.
ctz31 - Mon Mar 10, 2014 3:19 pm: Also blood people told me no alcohol for 24 hours. I made it 1.5.
User avatar
Jew Jitsu
Never Forgotten
 
Posts: 8405
Joined: 05 Jan 2007, 15:12
Location: Sunset Blvd., North Pole

Re: Best Stand-Up Bits

Postby SouthernYokel » 23 Apr 2017, 11:02

a de-wormer? i need bacon to come in here and tell me how adding a cattle de-worming drug to cocaine is going to make it more fun.
JT99 wrote:imagine working your entire board life on being a guy investigating every nook and cranny of others' sexual lives only to have some drunken baboon stumble into the r&t jackpot
User avatar
SouthernYokel
Hank the Hangover Turtle
 
Posts: 28518
Joined: 08 Sep 2005, 08:09

Re: Best Stand-Up Bits

Postby BostonSucksMyBalls » 01 May 2017, 11:56

Image
PS: I will never like July 27th. It will always be the day Reggie died. I just hate this day. True Celtic fans know what I mean.

"i'm relatively confident her asshole" - Farva
User avatar
BostonSucksMyBalls
Work Creep
 
Posts: 29415
Joined: 26 Aug 2005, 09:59

Re: Best Stand-Up Bits

Postby TheWolf » 01 May 2017, 22:36

BostonSucksMyBalls wrote:Image


Pretty generous, of I'm being a hundo.
"our kayaking guy sucked and came last"
- SGSW
User avatar
TheWolf
Hand-Holder
 
Posts: 16503
Joined: 16 Nov 2004, 08:17
Location: Dead

Re: Best Stand-Up Bits

Postby MisterTambourineMan » 02 May 2017, 11:55

I heard a little of Jarod Carmichael interviewed by Dan Patrick yesterday. Whenever I hear that dude in an interview or not on stage/acting, I'm like, hey, pretty funny guy, real likeable, and this was no different. And then I watch his stand up or acting and I'm like oh jesus he's terrible.

cool story, sco.
TheWolf - Wed Sep 14, 2016 12:02 pm: BREAKING: wolfette did not come home to blow me
Briandong79 - Wed Sep 14, 2016 12:02 pm: 31, you're up.
User avatar
MisterTambourineMan
Now
 
Posts: 11463
Joined: 03 Sep 2006, 14:25
Location: i already told you, won't tell you again

Re: Best Stand-Up Bits

Postby BostonSucksMyBalls » 02 May 2017, 14:43

From The Met Gala. Lookin good!

Image

Should we just start an Amy Schumer thread at this point? We post about her almost as frequently as Katie Nolan.
PS: I will never like July 27th. It will always be the day Reggie died. I just hate this day. True Celtic fans know what I mean.

"i'm relatively confident her asshole" - Farva
User avatar
BostonSucksMyBalls
Work Creep
 
Posts: 29415
Joined: 26 Aug 2005, 09:59

Re: Best Stand-Up Bits

Postby Briandong79 » 02 May 2017, 14:45

BostonSucksMyBalls wrote:From The Met Gala. Lookin good!

Image

Should we just start an Amy Schumer thread at this point? We I post about her almost as frequently as Katie Nolan.


FIFY
PhillyJim76 - Tue Nov 22, 2016 9:20 am: X?I wrote a disturbing clueless fan fiction story that got me in hot water in college
User avatar
Briandong79
Beep Boop
 
Posts: 29712
Joined: 28 Apr 2005, 13:35
Location: MoreCowbell's phone

Re: Best Stand-Up Bits

Postby the cheese » 02 May 2017, 14:47

I mean, the thing is she could be the mom of any given kid at my kids' school and I wouldn't notice. All the way down to the armpit rolls, drinking problem and provocative and occasionally funny sense of humor. The wipe would probably invite her to bunko one night to see if she was worth an invite to book club.
Clayton Bigsby - Wed May 23, 2012 2:55 pm: i'd rather live with a guy who's kind of annoying but a nice guy than a guy who's kind of annoying and a dick
User avatar
the cheese
The Douche
 
Posts: 17157
Joined: 30 Apr 2006, 20:40
Location: 2nd Biggest Asshole

Re: Best Stand-Up Bits

Postby BostonSucksMyBalls » 02 May 2017, 14:48

TY for fixing my post. Here is her in 2007.

Image
PS: I will never like July 27th. It will always be the day Reggie died. I just hate this day. True Celtic fans know what I mean.

"i'm relatively confident her asshole" - Farva
User avatar
BostonSucksMyBalls
Work Creep
 
Posts: 29415
Joined: 26 Aug 2005, 09:59

Re: Best Stand-Up Bits

Postby the cheese » 02 May 2017, 14:51

binge drinking is bad for a woman. and for a man.
Clayton Bigsby - Wed May 23, 2012 2:55 pm: i'd rather live with a guy who's kind of annoying but a nice guy than a guy who's kind of annoying and a dick
User avatar
the cheese
The Douche
 
Posts: 17157
Joined: 30 Apr 2006, 20:40
Location: 2nd Biggest Asshole

Re: Best Stand-Up Bits

Postby Frank the Tank » 02 May 2017, 15:00

the cheese wrote:binge drinking is bad for a woman. and for a man.


STOP JUDGING ME!!!!!!!!!!
2015 SOTSG Fantasy Football Champion

BostonSucksMyBalls 11/2/2016: "I hate the internet. No accountability. Just a wasteland of shitheads."
User avatar
Frank the Tank
TiVo's Prophet
 
Posts: 31273
Joined: 16 Nov 2004, 08:34

Re: Best Stand-Up Bits

Postby Goose » 02 May 2017, 15:16

Frank the Tank wrote:
the cheese wrote:binge drinking is bad for a woman. and for a man.


STOP JUDGING ME!!!!!!!!!!


It's not binge drinking if you do it all the time.
Hall of Sand, Class of 2025
Balls: I know a guy who came home after high school one day to over hear his mom and dad having a 3some with another lady. He actually went to beat off during it in his room.
mister bacon: Wow no wonder PJ is so fucked up.
User avatar
Goose
OG's sponsor
 
Posts: 2931
Joined: 03 May 2006, 10:09
Location: Temple Terrace Hooters, waiting on Shamgod

PreviousNext

Return to Misc.

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest

cron