Best Stand-Up Bits

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Best Stand-Up Bits

Postby SouthernYokel » 23 Jan 2006, 16:48

I was watching Patton Oswalt at lunch today, and he has this bit where a heroin addict goes to an open mike comedy night and keeps passing out during his jokes and coming back to consciousness later in the joke without missing a beat. Made me start wondering what is the best bit? I really liked that one, also these make my top 5:

-Dane Cook's trying to get to the bathroom before he pukes
-Chappelle's drinking/smoking with his white friend "Chip."
-Pryor's routine about the things that happen when you light your head on fire
-Ron White's routine about the crashing airplane
JT99 wrote:imagine working your entire board life on being a guy investigating every nook and cranny of others' sexual lives only to have some drunken baboon stumble into the r&t jackpot
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Postby Freddy Fernandez » 23 Jan 2006, 16:55

Great idea Yokel.

Some of my favorite bits are Chappelle's Sesame Street ("Bitch I live in a fucking trash can"), Chris Rock's Monica Lewinsky ("She blew him for a couple of months, the least he could do is give her a recomendation"), Mitch Hedberg's Smacky the Frog ("I've never said 'Hey look at that frog' in a freightening manner"), and Ray Romano's brilliant bit about Blocking Porn in his hotel room.
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Postby nova » 23 Jan 2006, 16:56

My all-time favorite is the Black People vs. Niggas bit that Steve Carrell hilariously re-enacted in The Office. Second place, is the Piccolo Player bit by Robin Harris (RIP).
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Postby SouthernYokel » 23 Jan 2006, 16:57

oh, how could i forget any of those first 3? I used to say "bitch i live in a trash can" at least once a day. And the whole Lewinsky bit from rock was great, though it doesn't hold up so well. I would say that Hedberg is one of those comics where you can't pick one of their bits though because they're all the same. Dry wit at it's best.

"I haven't slept for seven days...because that would be too long."
JT99 wrote:imagine working your entire board life on being a guy investigating every nook and cranny of others' sexual lives only to have some drunken baboon stumble into the r&t jackpot
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Postby ONTB » 23 Jan 2006, 16:59

Carlin's people who should be killed rants.

I especially liked when he went off on people who wear visors.
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[Mon 0:16] Clayton Bigsby: "i'd like to thank the funky bunch"
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Postby Beer Pong » 23 Jan 2006, 17:08

Mitch Hedburg's "The letter X" routine. Pure gold.
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Postby Freddy Fernandez » 23 Jan 2006, 17:09

Beer Pong wrote:Mitch Hedburg's "The letter X" routine. Pure gold.


Agreed. I love that one. "....and you will have a starring role in Tic Tac Toe. There, now are you happy you damn X?"
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Postby Gaylord » 23 Jan 2006, 17:13

I like Seinfeld's "What's the deal with airplane peanuts?" and other such related zingers
TheDooze - I'll win with stories, and Tom Brady-esque swagger

IhateTomBrady - Tom Brady-esque swagger? Is that code for walking bow-legged from the ass reaming your boyfriend gave you the night before Dooze?
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Postby TheWolf » 23 Jan 2006, 17:13

Chappelle's Sesame Street might be my favorite. Dane Cook's "Fuck you shark" is way up there on my list too. I need to give this some more thought and come up with a real top 5 list.

I heard a Mitch Fatel bit on the radio the other day that had me absolutely dying. He was talking about bras and panties, and then he said something about how he liked watching women's tennis because you could see their panties. So he took it one step further and said he thinks all female sports should have the short skirts/visible panties combo. The bit as a whole was nothing special, but then he closed it with this beauty, and I just lost it: "Except for baskeball, because then their balls would hang out."
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Postby Ulysses Everett McGill » 23 Jan 2006, 17:14

Brian Regan's Pop Tart bit.

Dane Cook's Burger King "Buddy", "Pal", "Gaylord" routine.

Bill Cosby at the Dentist.

Chris Rock's "everything about you is a lie" about women.
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Postby TheWolf » 23 Jan 2006, 17:18

I like Regan's Little League bit better than the Pop Tart one, but that's pretty solid too.

I think if I made a list of like 100 bits, at least 70 of them would be Cook, Chappelle, Carlin, Rock, and Hedberg.
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Postby Beer Pong » 23 Jan 2006, 17:19

I enjoyed Dane Cook's entire Harmful If Swallowed comedy album. Favorite bit is probably Someone Shit On The Coats.
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Postby Ulysses Everett McGill » 23 Jan 2006, 17:22

Virtually anything that Eddie Murphy did on his first album.

"Gonnie goo-goo"
"Dead bird...gonna put it on you"
"just sprinkles"
"Roll Charlie around, he be all right"

Eddie -- How could you go from that to "The Adventures of Pluto Nash"? HOW?!?!?!
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Postby bosux » 23 Jan 2006, 17:28

agreed...eddie murphy's ice cream truck, and family barbecue bits, as well as the bit where he got gi joe stuck up his ass made me laugh harder than i ever laughed before or since
by bosux » 02 Mar 2016, 13:34
if the democratic power machine is so tone deaf as to foist $hrillary upon the electorate they will lose to Trump...bet on it
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Postby TheWolf » 23 Jan 2006, 17:32

And then a big brown shark came...

Eddie Murphy's Delirious is unquestionably the funniest 90 minutes (or however long it is) I've ever seen in my life. I can't believe I forgot about him in my last couple posts. I think the ice cream truck is my favorite bit from that, but it's all fantastic.
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