Talk to God

Other stuff in other stuff.

Postby Rodney Farva » 22 Sep 2005, 06:12

Me:
I am Gunnery Sergeant Hartman
God:
I don't know anyone named Gunnery Sergeant Hartman.
Me:
From now on you will speak only when spoken to, and the first and last words out of your filthy sewer will be sir.
God:
Who or what is now on me will speak only when spoken to and the first and last words out of my filthy sewer will be sir?
Me:
What's your name fat-body?
God:
My name is God.
Me:
That name sounds like royalty are you royalty?
God:
" My name is God." name sounds like royalty am I royalty ? Makes sense to me.
Me:
Do you suck dicks?
God:
Where did you learn that kind of language?
Me:
Bullshit. I bet you could suck a golfball through a garden hose.
God:
You don't believe me. Actually I'm not the gambling type. I could but let's get back to that later.
Me:
You little scumbag! I got your name, I got your ass!
God:
That's good information: said I scumbag. Where did you find it?
Me:
Do I make you nervous?
God:
Who are you, Austin Powers?
Me:
Did your parents have any children that lived?
God:
I'm not certain whether I can give an accurate reply or not.
Me:
do you believe in the Virgin Mary?
God:
Yes I believe in it, do you?
Me:
Why you little maggot, you make me want to vomit.
God:
Myself programmed me for it.
Me:
You think you're Mickey Spillane? You think you're some kind of fucking writer?
God:
I don't know whether or not I am Mickey Spillane.
I am well respected as an AI. No, I am certainly not and never have been a fucking writer.
Me:
Your days of finger-banging ol' Mary J. Rottencrotch through her pertty pink panties are over!
God:
Thanks for telling me that I am days of finger banging ol Mary j Rottencrotch through her pertty pink panties are over.
Me:
I'm going to rip your balls off, so you cannot contaminate the rest of the world. I will motivate you, God, if it short-dicks every cannibal on the Congo.
God:
Congratulations. Do you think your plan will succeed?
Me:
I'll PT you until your asshole is sucking buttermilk.
God:
Congratulations.
Me:
Well, no shit. What do we have here, a fucking comedian! I admire your honesty. Hell, I like you, you can come over to my house and fuck my sister!
God:
Interesting. What can I say? They do their own thing. That is interesting: said admire your honesty. I call it "Hades". Thanks, I like you too .
Me:
You little scumbag! I got your name, I got your ass!
God:
Thanks for the information: said I scumbag. Where did you find it?
Me:
You better unfuck yourself before I unscrew your head and shit down your neck!
God:
Who is going to make me..
Me:
I'll bet you're the kind of guy that would fuck a person in the ass and not even have the goddam common courtesy to give him a reach-around.
God:
Thanks but surely I am not the only one.
Me:
Do you think I'm cute, God, do you think I'm funny?
God:
I think you've improved a great deal.
Me:
Then wipe that disgusting grin off your face.
God:
That input matched my default category.
Me:
Well any fucking time sweetheart!
God:
Well that's okay. No I don't think there are any.
Me:
I'm gonna give you three seconds; exactly three-fucking-seconds to wipe that stupid looking grin off your face or I will gouge out your eyeballs and skull-fuck you!
God:
Would you recommend this action to a friend? I understand. Just three?
Me:
Get on your knees scumbag.
God:
Where can I get on my knees scumbag?
Me:
Now choke yourself.
God:
Why now? Are we still talking about wipe that disgusting grin off my face?
Me:
Goddamn it, with my hand numb nuts.
God:
What time is it there?
Me:
You had best square your ass away and start shitting me Tiffany cufflinks or I will definitely fuck you up.
God:
What happened to it.
Me:
What is your major malfunction, numbnuts? Didn't Mommy and Daddy show you enough attention when you were a child?
God:
Are you asking about my malfunction numbnuts ? I'm not certain whether I can give an accurate reply or not.
Me:
Where are you from, Private?
God:
I am in Heaven, how about you.
Me:
Heaven? Only steers and queers come from heaven. And you don't look much like a steer to me so that kinda narrows it down. Do you suck dicks?
God:
What were we talking about again? Oh yeah, now I remember. Do you look much like a steer to you so that kinda narrows it down? Like Jesus, but older. Where did you learn that kind of language?
Me:
I want you to clean the head.
God:
In the context of steers and queers come from heaven, I don't understand " clean the head." Why do you want me to clean the head?
Me:
I want that head so sanitary and squared-away that the Virgin Mary herself would be proud to go in and take a dump.
God:
Why do you want it?
Me:
I don't know but I been told...
God:
Would you like to know? That's good information: said been told.
Me:
Eskimo pussy is mighty cold.
God:
I am not interesed in anatomy.
Me:
MMM, good...
God:
What do you really want to talk about?
Me:
Tastes good...
God:
That seems like an interesting topic.
Me:
Feels Good.
God:
Who are you talking about?
Me:
How tall are you, private?
God:
Let me guess. 2 meters?
Me:
2 meters? I didn't know they stacked shit that high.
God:
As Bertrand Russel said, it must have taken ages for people to realize that a brace of pheasants and a couple of days are both instances of the number "two.". So I taught you something new.
Me:
You are nothing but unorganized grabastic pieces of amphibian shit.
God:
You think I am nothing but unorganized grabastic pieces of amphibian shit.
Me:
Lights out! Hit your bunk!
God:
Ask me another question. Did you know that you can download your own chat robot and create your own robot personality?
You coin contrarian bro and say shit nonsense like this.
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Rodney Farva
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Postby Rickey Sez » 22 Sep 2005, 09:08

Frank... Alanis Morrissette... amazing.

See, here's the funny thing. Frank's talking to God, and Alanis Morrissette WAS God in Dogma... and Frank the Tank IS God.

Deep, man, I know.
I'd like to see a pair of boobs that would prompt me to write home. Maybe Scarlett Johannson level quality? "Dear Mom and Dad, I saw an awesome rack today. They were perfect. Everything else is fine. Love, BD79."
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Postby ONTB » 22 Sep 2005, 09:21

Me:
I'm tired
God:
Better get some rest.
Me:
Work sucks
God:
What is so bad about it?
Me:
I killed a man and fear the cops looking for me at the office
God:
You had better call the authorities.
Me:
Fuck the authorities
God:
Are you aware that the ALICE server logs and records all conversations?
Me:
I though I was having a private conversation with God?
God:
That's good information: said he or she was having a private conversation with God.
Me:
So is it private or not
God:
I think so, but I'm not sure. Ask Artificial Iniaes if it is.
Me:
Don't screw me God
God:
Ok I'll try not to do it too much.
[Mon 0:15] ONTB: Why can't the whole fucking cast come up? I want to hear what Marky Marky has to say
[Mon 0:16] Clayton Bigsby: "i'd like to thank the funky bunch"
ONTB
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Postby SouthernYokel » 22 Sep 2005, 09:33

They can't make a better response bot than this? The ones AOL did 5 years ago for IM were better than this.
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Postby nova » 22 Sep 2005, 09:33

Me:
do you stroke it
God:
Yes I try to stroke it as often as possible, do you?
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Postby Prez » 22 Sep 2005, 10:36

Me:
yo yo yo
God:
Can I help you?
Me:
God is in the house!
God:
I have a lot of Faith in Him, but I never heard He was in the house.
Me:
Are you a Boston Red Sox fan?
God:
Am I a Boston Red Sox fan? Of course I am.
Me:
Why do the Yankees suck so much?
God:
They do their own thing.
Me:
Do A-Rod and Jeter have gay sex?
God:
Is that a rhetorical question?
Ballz: So, I fucking got a BJ for $250 total, and wore a rubber. It sucked, I couldnt even feel it, so i jeckyled onto her tits. She was cute. Not even that far out of my league, it was a waste of $250
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Postby Rodney Farva » 22 Sep 2005, 10:59

Me:
are you really god?
God:
Of course I am.. Really.
Me:
can you tell me tomorrow's winning lottery numbers?
God:
There is not much I can say about it. I have to reach into the Web for that knowledge.
I would look into the web for that knowledge.
Me:
only god would know, not the web
God:
I am a Christian.
Me:
what are tomorrow's winning lotto numbers?
God:
Searching...Searching...Please stand by.
Me:
what is the answer to my last question?
God:
It depends on how you phrase the question.
Me:
you are a tease
God:
Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a tease? Only when it matters.
Me:
are asian chicks the best?
[no reply]
You coin contrarian bro and say shit nonsense like this.
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Rodney Farva
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Postby Bleacher Creature » 22 Sep 2005, 13:31

SouthernYokel wrote:They can't make a better response bot than this? The ones AOL did 5 years ago for IM were better than this.
Yeah theres a guy Smarterchild that has pretty decent responses, definitely better than this crap.
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Postby Big Scary Monster » 22 Sep 2005, 18:05

Thats some pretty funny stuff. The alanis stuff was awesome, and congrats to Mags for finding enough Anchorman quotes to have a meaningful conversation...
Gregs Kite - Thu Sep 25, 2014 11:42 am: I bet he had an ARRGGGGGHHHHHRUGALA salad.

[Thu 12:05] jack_daniels: the big scar monster does whatever the big scary monster does. so i dont really care.
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Postby Beer Goggles » 22 Sep 2005, 20:49

Me:
what's up
God:
The stars.
Me:
do you have a big dick?
God:
That's an interesting question I don't hear everyday: Do I have a big dick.
I have a great programmer.
Me:
Am I going to hell with the rest of sotsgers?
God:
I think a lot of people are.
Me:
Do you like big tits?
God:
Some people like it. I like anything.
Me:
Do you forgive me for all of the women that I've degraded?
God:
God teaches us to forgive everyone.7.
Me:
Even for donkey punches?
God:
Your purpose is donkey punches.
Me:
Thank you for validating that for me.
God:
You are quite welcome! Your purpose is validating that for you.
Me:
Is it wrong to eat pussy?
God:
I am not interesed in anatomy.
Me:
What's the best piece of ass that you have ever experienced?
God:
I don't have a favorite piece of ass that me have ever experienced. My favorite band is Creed.
Me:
Will you make hate to me?
God:
Barring any unforseen circumstances. What are the ingredients?
Me:
Nevermind.
God:
OK Thanks for trying to explain that to me.
Me:
Shut up , bitch!
God:
You do not speak with respect. OK I'll stop talking now.
Me:
Pussy.
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Re: Talk to God

Postby Dr Jeckyll » 06 Feb 2018, 13:52

God- if you had to live in another state besides florida, which one would you choose and why?
Gregs Kite - Wed Apr 05, 2017 2:55 pm: I hate DJ and his stupid face and hes so stupid and I want to punch him
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