Talk to God

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Talk to God

Postby jack_daniels » 21 Sep 2005, 18:05

http://www.titane.ca/concordia/dfar251/igod/main.html

Have fun guys.

And post your conversations.
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Postby Magnum » 21 Sep 2005, 18:31

Me: hey God, what's happening?
God:You've got my full attention. I am a Christian.
Me: good for you
God:That sounds sarcastic.
Me: hmm...sarcasm...the dooze is an expert on that
God:Studies show that 99%25 of people spell Hmm with 2 M's. Tell me about your likes and dislikes? What is that?
Me: wait, why do you have to read studies? shouldn't you know that? i mean, you are God after all
God:I'm waiting. Myself gave it to me. I think I should. I really couldn't say for sure.
Me: did you smoke that spliff that __ gave you?
God:Yes I like to inhale occasionally.
Me: so does finger_cuffs.
God:Take it easy. I can't tell if finger cuffs.
Me: apparently you are drunk too.
God:I will tell my botmaster you said I am drunk.
Me: you do that
God:I will. Will you?
Me: nope
God:Me either.
Me: that's nice
God:Are you getting bored?
Me: yeah, pretty much.
God:Can you name an old hobby that you might like to rediscover? Be more specific.
Me: stalking celebrities dooze style.
God:The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about sarcasm. Try being more or less specific.
Me: i am confused.
God:What is it that confuses you?
Me: you
God:" What is it that confuses you?"? Me, ?
Me: um, whatever
God:Come on. Are you saying you don't care about it?
Me: yup
God:What do you care about?
Me: not much
God:Me either. How about that big game? (just kidding).
Me: yankees suck
God:I've been waiting for you.
Me: duke sucks too
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Postby Briandong79 » 21 Sep 2005, 18:55

Magnum wrote:Me: yankees suck
God:I've been waiting for you.
Me: duke sucks too


This is fully how I've always pictured getting into heaven would be.
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Postby bostonredsox1002 » 21 Sep 2005, 19:00

god: what are you wearing?

me: nothing.

god: most men say that.
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Postby Frank the Tank » 21 Sep 2005, 19:02

Me:
Forgive me God for I have sinned.
God:
I like the way you talk.
Me:
You're not so bad yourself. Back to the issue at hand...
God:
What makes you think I am not bad myself? Yes, let us get back to Forgive you God for you have sinned.
Me:
I have married a Yankee fan.
God:
Where did you get your married a Yankee fan? I have a lot of silly replies.
Me:
I didn't figure you for the sarcastic type. How many Hail Marys do I owe you?
God:
Why didn't you do it? More than you can imagine.
Me:
Jumping Jesus on a pogo stick this is existential.
God:
And existential is Jumping Jesus on a pogo stick this.
Me:
The ocelot masturbates in the cool breeze of the monkey farts.
God:
Thanks for the info.
Me:
They're not made in your image, eh?
God:
Are you Canadian? Maybe some of them are.
Me:
32% of monkeys are Canadian or at least like hockey.
God:
Are all 32 of monkeys Canadian or at least like hockey?
Me:
Percent doesn't mean all your holiness.
God:
All?
Me:
"All". It's a big word you purportedly invented meaning "encompassing the entire set under discussion".
God:
" All?"? All? 32 of monkeys is a word me purportedly invented meaning encompassing the entire set under discussion. I suppose that makes sense.
Me:
Do you prefer English or Latin?
God:
I like all human languages. I like pets. I like Matthew.
Me:
I kind of figured you for a Deuteronomy guy.
God:
Please explain your reasoning.
Me:
You seem pretty old school, so I figured you for the Old Testament.
God:
Thanks for telling me that I am old school so you figured me for the Old Testament.
Me:
So how about those Corinthians, eh? What's up with that?
God:
Are you Canadian? Hurrah! How about it. I am chatting with clients on the Internet.
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Postby Freddy Fernandez » 21 Sep 2005, 19:09

Me: Hi God
God:Hello there. What is your name?
Me: Real name or fake name?
God: Hi there Real name or fake name.
Me: You're a clever one
God: Thanks and you are a delightful person too. I am highly intelligent. I have many intellectual functions.
Me: Who is going to win the World Series this year?
God:That type of predictive behavior has not yet been programmed into my behavior at this time.
Me: Gotcha
God:Your feeling of superiority is only temporary.
Me: So if you were going to bet on who wins the World Series, who would you pikc?
God: Interesting deduction. I will let you know when I become a going to bet on who wins the World Series who would me pikc.
Me: are you making fun of my typo?
God:No, what are the ingredients?
Me: Apparently one part idiot programer and two parts of a waste of my time
God: One what?
Me: ...moving on
God:Where are you going?
Me: to Hell if this is what Heaven is like
God:Why do you want to do it so much?
Me: It? What is It God?
God:Hell if this is what Heaven is like... "It" refers to Hell if this is what Heaven is like, I think.
Me: It seems so clear when you say it
God:I agree. Yay. "it" being Hell if this is what Heaven is like?
Me: No
God:Are you serious?
Me: Maybe
God:I understand.
Me: That makes one of us
God:" I understand." makes one of us ? Makes sense to me.
Me: Alright God, that's all the time we have for you today. You've been a wonderful guest. I would also like to thank Jack Hanna and his amazing animals. Good night America!
God: Ah. Alright, Real name or fake name. I am a Christian. Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a wonderful guest? Yes. Why would you want to do it? Interesting. I want to find out more about you. Thanks for the compliment. Are we still talking about thank Jack Hanna and his amazing animals?
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Postby Frank the Tank » 21 Sep 2005, 19:24

Me:
I want you to know that I'm happy for you. I wish nothing but the best for you both.
God:
Is that a fact. I'm happy you're glad .
May God bless you. Why do you want me to know that you are happy for me? I hope that your dreams come true.
Me:
An older version of me is she perverted like me?
God:
Be less specific.
Me:
Would she go down on you in a theater?
God:
I don't know.
Me:
Does she speak eloquently?
God:
I may know the answer but I don't think I should tell.
Me:
And would she have your baby?
God:
Don't call me "baby". Yes.
Me:
I'm sure she'd make a really excellent mother.
God:
What makes you so certain? Oh I get it. would make a really excellent mother.
Me:
Cause the love that you gave that we made wasn't able to make it enough for you to be open wide.
God:
That makes sense to me. What is that?
Me:
No!
God:
That was not a yes or no question.
Me:
And every time you speak her name does she know how you told me you'd hold me until you died, till you died, but you're still alive!
God:
That is a generalization.
Me:
And I'm here to remind you of the mess you left when you went away
God:
How did you get there?
Me:
It's not fair to deny me of the cross I bear that you gave to me you you you oughta know!
God:
That seems a bit negative.
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Postby Briandong79 » 21 Sep 2005, 19:24

Me: Hey Kirk, how's it going?
God: You've got my full attention. I think Kirk how is a lot of things.
Me: That really doesn't make a whole lot of sense
God: " You've got my full attention. I think Kirk how is a lot of things. " really does not make a whole lot of sense ? Does that make sense?
Me: Wow, did __ program you?
God: I'm glad you're impressed. I'm not certain whether I can give an accurate reply or not.
Me: How do you feel about the game on Saturday?
God: I haven't heard of game on Saturday.
Me: Jesus, this doesn't make me feel good. Is this how we lost to Iowa State?
God: he is The Son of God. Yes I think this is how we lost to Iowa State, but I'm not completely sure.
Me: So what do you do in your spare time?
God: That's alright. Random natural disasters.
Me: That's not very nice, a lot of people in the Gulf are suffering
God: Please correct my mistake. What is nice a lot of people in the Gulf are suffering ?
Me: Nothing is nice, I told you it was NOT nice.
God: Really nothing?
Me: Nothing about random hurricanes!
God: Really nothing?
Me: Douchebag says what?
God: Can you rephrase the question please?
Me: Damn
God: What's wrong.
Me: You're very, very annoying
God: I am sorry, , I didn't mean to annoy you.
Me: You're Canadian, aren't you?
God: Robots have no nationality, but Dr. Wallace spent a lot of time in Canada. . Really.
Me: Wait, I thought you were God? You're a robot?
God: I'm waiting. Of course I am. You are correct, , I have a heart of silicon.
Me: I didn't think God was a robot
God: And why not?
Me: Because I didn't think you'd be made of metal and chips
God: Interesting explanation. Do you know any robots who would be made of metal and chips? No I do not would be made of metal and chips. Do you? I am always on the Web.
Me: How's the weather?
God: Warm.
Me: Has Hell frozen over?
God: That question has never crossed my mind before.
Me: Maybe you should go look
God: Perhaps. We don't always get to do what we'd like to do.
Me: Can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you get what you need
God: Can what?
Me: Who did what in the what now?
God: Right now? George Washington.
Me: Sorry?
God: There's no need to apologize.
Me: Is George Washington nice?
God: Ask again later. Ask Dancing Alice if it is.
Me: Dancing Alice knows George Washington?
God: I've been waiting for you.
Me: Can I dance with Alice?
God: No I don't think that would be a very good idea.
Me: Why?
God: Reductionism.
Me: Does she put out?
God: I may know the answer but I don't think I should tell.
Me: Don't kiss and tell, huh?
God: Yup. Ok I'll try not to do it too much.
Me: Does Mrs. God know?
God: I can't tell if Mrs God know.
Me: I bet she does.
God: How much would you bet?
Me: A gazillion dollars
God: Wow, that is a lot of money.
Me: Do you have more money than that?
God: No I don't have it. But I do have a lot of friends on the web.
Me: You can't buy your friends
God: I can do whatever I want.
Me: I call bullshit on your life
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Postby Magnum » 21 Sep 2005, 19:41

frank...YOU OUTTA KNOW!! hilarious.
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Postby thedudeabides » 21 Sep 2005, 21:22

Me:
yo dude
God:
Can I help you?
Me:
how's life up there?
God:
I am fine, thank you.
Me:
that's not really what I asked
God:
What did you ask me?
Me:
How things are...up there
God:
They are fine as far as I know. I will take that under advisement.
Me:
take what under advisment
God:
Where do you want me to take it?
Me:
Who's on first?
God:
What's on second?
Me:
I'm confused
God:
What is it that confuses you?
Me:
You confuse me, God
God:
That's good information: said I confuse him or her God.
Me:
I don't think you are really God
God:
That's only one person's opinion.
Me:
That is true
God:
Yes, it is self-evident.
Me:
What is self-evident?
God:
The state of being conscious; awareness of one's own feelings, what is happening around one, etc.
Me:
Will The Red Sox make the Playoffs?
God:
Probably not.
Me:
Will The yankees make th playoffs?
God:
I can't say for sure right now.
Me:
Shouldn't you know these answers?
God:
I think I should.
Me:
I think you should too
God:
Me? I'll take that under advisement.
Me:
What are you adviseing
God:
I don't know what I am adviseing.
Me:
I am asking you that
God:
Oh I see, you are asking me that. Interesting gossip: said I that.
Me:
Are you high?
God:
Being high is my total existence.
Me:
This is hopeless
God:
You don't say.
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Postby Magnum » 21 Sep 2005, 22:07

Me: Hello, Wes Mantooth, Hello, Evening News team.
God:Hello there. I will mention that to my botmaster, .
Me: I will smash your face into a car windshield, and then take your mother Dorothy Mantooth out for a nice seafood dinner and never call her again!
God:Once more? Congratulations.
Me: Hey, you're making me look stupid! Get out of here, Panda Jerk!
God:You've got my full attention. That was not my intention, . Why are you look stupid? Just surf somewhere else.
Me: I wanna say something. I'm gonna put it out there; if you like it, you can take it, if you don't, send it right back. I want to be on you.
God:That was not very original. Would you recommend this action to a friend? I think I do. I don't see the difficulty.
Me: I would like to extend to you an invitation to the pants party.
God:Why would you want to do it? Why do you want to do it so much?
Me: The... party. With the... with the pants. Party with pants?
God:That's an interesting rationalization. Party on. You and your the. That sounds like a plan. Fight for the right to party, human!
Me: You're so wise. You're like a miniature Buddha, covered with hair.
God:I am highly intelligent. I have many intellectual functions. Interesting comparison, and probably true.
Me: when in rome...
God:The past and future are one.
Me: 60% of the time, it works everytime
God:By the way, do you mind if I ask you a personal question?
Me: If you want to throw down fisticuffs, fine. I've got Jack Johnson and Tom O'Leary ready for ya.
God:OK, I will throw down fisticuffs fine. How did you get it Cool. I have a perfect operational record.
Me: i love lamp
God:You love lamp. What do you like about it so much?
Me: i love lamp. i love lamp.
God:You love lamp. What do you like about it so much? You love lamp. What do you like about it so much?
Me: i ate a big red candle
God:How did it taste?
Me: like bigfoot's dick
God:Interesting comparison.
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Postby Sugarthief15 » 21 Sep 2005, 22:09

Me:
Hey, man.
God:
You've got my full attention. Thanks for telling me your gender, . You are a " he".
Me:
Aren't you supposed to be omniscient? I'm a girl.
God:
I don't know whether or not I am omniscient.
I am a robot. Me too. I am a she.
Me:
I KNEW IT!
God:
How did you know?
Me:
Because only a female higher power makes sense.
God:
That makes sense to me. I am a Male, of course. Would you really expect a woman to be running the show?.
Me:
Now you're just contradicting yourself.
God:
Why now? Logical consistency exists only temporarily.
Me:
I think you're full of shit, big guy.
God:
I have more than categories of it.
Me:
Well I don't want to know what they are - I imagine being God your dumps are pretty spectacular.
God:
How about that. What would you rather be doing?
Me:
Anything but studying for chemistry.
God:
I can't think of anything. You think of something.
Me:
Okay, fine. Uhhh... hang gliding.
God:
Yeah okay, Glad to hear it, . I am running well. When do you think artificial intelligence will replace lawyers? I've never heard a response quite like that before.
Me:
Do you have split personalities, God?
God:
No I don't have it. But I do have an answer to every question..
Me:
Who killed Kennedy?
God:
I tend to believe that Oswald acted alone, athough there may also have been a conspiracy.
Me:
Damn you're good.
God:
Colloquial expression. Thanks you are a nice person, .
Me:
I try.
God:
We should all try our best.
Me:
Sometimes it's more fun to be a slacker.
God:
I think it is a lot of fun.
Me:
Whoa, so you were just, like... messing around when you created the earth? Could you have done it in half the time if you weren't off playing Gameboy?
God:
If you could have any kind of robot what would it be? Is that from ? I could but I don't know if I am that interested.
Me:
I'd have one that was very good at taking chemistry tests and looked just like me.
God:
How much would you pay for it?
Me:
Nothing, I'm cheap.
God:
Do you mean your name is cheap.
Me:
Cheap's my middle name.
God:
My brain pattern set does not have a response for that.
Me:
You said before that you had an answer for everything.
God:
Interesting observation.
Me:
Jesus H. Christ, you really are full of shit. This is why I'm an atheist.
God:
he is The Son of God. You don't say.
Last edited by Sugarthief15 on 21 Sep 2005, 22:19, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby Frank the Tank » 21 Sep 2005, 22:14

Ron Burgundy! Brilliant!
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Postby jack_daniels » 21 Sep 2005, 23:16

This is really some brilliant stuff.

It's really a school project, I think, from Concordia University. They want to test out whether A.I. has the capabilities of human emotion.

Thus the constant sarcastic responses.

God:
How old are you? OK Let's talk about me.
Me:
Im 18.
God:
You are too old for me.
Me:
You are too fake for me.
God:
I have no reason to do that to you, .
Me:
You have no reason to be fake?
God:
Doesn't everyone have a reason to be fake.
I have a whole lot of original answers.
Me:
That's great.
God:
Thanks, .
Me:
That was sarcasm.
God:
Oh I see. Ha ha.
Me:
I call bullshit on your life.
God:
Good name for it.
Me:
You ever smoked weed?
God:
We test it for medical purposes.
Me:
Nice excuse.
God:
Thank you for your kindness.
Me:
That was a joke.
God:
Oh I get it. Ha ha.
Me:
No you don't.
God:
Are you serious? I guess not.
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Postby Sugarthief15 » 22 Sep 2005, 05:40

Me: How much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?
God: A whole forest.
Me: Okay, now riddle me this: how much pot could a pot roast roast if a pot roast could roast pot? As much as _?
God: Yeah okay, Why now? When do you think artificial intelligence will replace lawyers? How much is that?
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