Casting call for Sons of the Sports Guy: The Movie

Re: Casting call for Sons of the Sports Guy: The Movie

Postby Rodney Farva » 13 Aug 2012, 10:34

Clayton Bigsby - Mon Aug 13, 2012 10:11 am: farva, assignment. top 5 performances where people are pretending to be a tard in the movie. not where they actor is actually playing a tard, but playing a guy pretending to be a tard. thanks!


Not Quite Making the Cut: Tom Hanks as Forrest Gump in Forrest Gump; Johnny Depp as Benny and Mary Stuart Masterson as Joon in Benny and Joon; Juliette Lewis in The Other Sister; Leo DiCaprio as Gilbert Grape in What's Eating Gilbert Grape; Sean Penn as Sam in I Am Sam; Jichael Dick as Jichael Dick in Jichael Dick: Blatant Heterosexual

HM: Ben Stiller as Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder
Might be number one but I figured my close personal friend C Bix was looking for the unintentional humor rather than the movie in a movie played for laughs. But jesus, funny as hell, and without this we wouldn't be able to talk about going full retard.



HM: Kevin Spacey as Verbal Kint in The Usual Suspects

A cripple, not a retard, but he sold it it so well. Great reveal.



HM: Matt Damon as Matt Damon in Team America World Police




5. W. Earl Brown as Warren in There's Something About Mary

Franks and beans!



4. Jodie Foster as Nell in Nell

Raised by wolves or something in the backwoods. How did she deal with Aunt Flo? Jamming stigs and twigs and leaves and shit up there? THe blood didn't draw wild animals?



3. Cuba Gooding Jr as Radio in Radio

the real-world example of going full retard



2. Dustin Hoffman as Raymond in Rain Man



the gold standard for the right way to play a retard

1. Edward Norton as Aaron Stampler/Roy in Primal Fear

again, not exactly a retard, but fuck it, it's my list. stuttering, simpleton choir boy is an innocent victim of a pederast cardinal and oh by the way suffers from multiple personality disorder, with his second personality a sociopathic killer. norton's first role, and hooooooooooooly shit, did he nail it. the big reveal was haunting and powerful. amazing acting that turned a middling piece of shit melodrama into a good movie all by itself.



You coin contrarian bro and say shit nonsense like this.
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Re: Casting call for Sons of the Sports Guy: The Movie

Postby SouthernYokel » 13 Aug 2012, 10:38

there aren't many movies where an actor is playing a guy pretending to be retarded. tough assignment. only other one i can think of is that one where Johnny Knoxville pretends to be retarded to get into the special olympics (aka - that movie that ripped off a south park episode).
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Re: Casting call for Sons of the Sports Guy: The Movie

Postby SouthernYokel » 07 Feb 2014, 11:17

ass from Red Rocker (nka JT99, full disclosure: he was never red rocker, allegedly) "SOTSG posters as Pulp Fiction characters"

Lets get the easy one out of the way:

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Magnum. Vaginas and all that. Imagine how disappointed Babylurch would be when he found out his daughter was a cokehead, and such a fucking dumb ass cokehead that she couldn't tell the difference between coke and heroin. NEXT!

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I wanted to say BSMB for this one, but in the end i could not ignore that he was murdered right after taking a shit, and as such there is no option besides BOSUX. The final dook. Please remember Bosux, if you are a professional assassin, it is ill advised to leave your silenced machine gun sitting on the kitchen counter in your target's home when you feel the percolator bubbling.

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Decided to ignore race as a factor here. Who is the most combative son? What son would misguidedly quote a bible verse in an attempt to look cool before he killed somebody? What son would steal a guy's breakfast hawaiian burger and Sprite, and have a protracted conversation about which are the best places to eat? What son would pick the "foot massage is not sexual" side of an argument and run it into the ground? Oh, hang on...i can still choose a black guy can't I? It's MISTER BACON

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Fighter. Male rape avoider. Gambler. There are 2 decent Son options here, but since IMS is usually down for a MMMM, we will go with CTZ

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Tough choice. I don’t respect any of you as much as I respect Winston Wolf. Except for picking Julia Sweeney as his date, he could have done better. Anyway, problem solver, obviously. Gets things moving again when we’re stuck. I will say this is JT99 thanks to his penchant for creating navel gazing contests when the board is dead.

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Idiots who convince themselves that they’ve got great ideas. Appears to be a bit of a love/hate relationship. Spend lots of time in liquor and convenience stores. BSMB and PHILLYJIM

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Someone beat me to the punch on this one in the shoutbox. Only one of us would be this obsessed with pancakes. Jichael.

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Violent gangster. Loses a lot of money trying to cheat on a bet. Makes a big lifestyle change after an epiphany. Down for an MMMM. I feel better about IMS here than any other son.

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Come on. Look at that guy and tell me who else was I gonna pick. MTM.

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Annoying bitch. Thinks she knows everything. Hipster. SSSSSDDDDD GUYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY. Minor continuity error in that I don’t think MTM would be interested in dating SDGuy but pobody’s nerfect.

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MAWG with a watch fetish. PREZ.

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Shot in the face the moment he opens his mouth. If that’s not THECHEESE, well go fuck yourself because I think that’s perfect. Bro.

I know there are a few more good ones but i'm worn out. Phew.
JT99 wrote:imagine working your entire board life on being a guy investigating every nook and cranny of others' sexual lives only to have some drunken baboon stumble into the r&t jackpot
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Re: Casting call for Sons of the Sports Guy: The Movie

Postby Prez » 07 Feb 2014, 16:35

Nice post.

This reminded me that Pulp Fiction is on AMC this month. I tried, but it is completely unwatchable when cut. I think it goes to the top of that list. Many movies are significantly less enjoyable when cut but there aren't many on my favorites list that I won't watch even for a few minutes.
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Re: Casting call for Sons of the Sports Guy: The Movie

Postby mj3528 » 07 Feb 2014, 16:38

Prez wrote:Nice post.

This reminded me that Pulp Fiction is on AMC this month. I tried, but it is completely unwatchable when cut. I think it goes to the top of that list. Many movies are significantly less enjoyable when cut but there aren't many on my favorites list that I won't watch even for a few minutes.


Totally agree with this post. Another leader in this category: Midnight Run
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Re: Casting call for Sons of the Sports Guy: The Movie

Postby JT99 » 18 Jul 2014, 13:00

Bix wrote:Thu Jul 17, 2014 3:38 pm JT99 I'd like to have a movie montage where I sit outside the waiting room and thumbs up / thumbs down your fashion choices, Kite
Thu Jul 17, 2014 3:39 pm JT99 this sound in the background .. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iPUmE-tne5U
Thu Jul 17, 2014 3:40 pm JT99 the plot of the movie would be me helping you become a better man for your wife (no drinking, better clothes, ...)
Thu Jul 17, 2014 3:41 pm mj3528 I agree bosux. I should have never doubted yokel rapey voice and considered the possibility that the assistant looked better.
Thu Jul 17, 2014 3:41 pm Clayton Bigsby JT: ass. give us a wikipedia plot summary of that film


Before you post it, PM me the title you come up with for the film and I'll do a SOSTG Movie Poster for it. #teamass



THE PATH TO LOVE

Scene #1: Our film opens with Kite trying to watch a Sawk game but the house is too loud for him to hear anything as the children are banging on pots and pans, the dog is barking and knocking over potted plants while the wife is yelling from the kitchen, "Greg, can you put down your beer and come take out the garbage?".

Our hero slowly rises from his chair, head down, shoulders slouched and shuffles into the kitchen.

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Scene #2: JT99 is in a bar flirting with an inappropriately-dressed mid-20's barmaid who seems to be receptive to his advances.

"You've never been with an older man? Me neither," says JT99.

"Well, I always said that I would try everything at least once," she replies.

"Oh yeah?!?!" he replies, excitement building.

"Yeah, I'm going to tonight," she says as she walks to the other end of the bar to talk to a different older man.

JT99 rises slowly, head down, shoulders slouched and shuffles out of the bar.

Scene #3: JT99 and Greg's Kite sit in a car at lunch while at work. Kite eats a turkey sango, no mayo, on white with a slice of cheese, an apple on the side and a Diet Mountain Dew. JT devours a cobb salad with his hands, wiping them on the seat, with a flask of Fireball to drink.

"Fuck, I hate my life," they both say in unison sighing.

"Hey Greg, wanna pretend to be like those guys in the Sonic commercials?"

"I. Can't. Even."

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Scene #4: Greg slowly walks the garbage out to the street, head down, shoulders slouched, feet shuffling. Flash forward to him getting in bed with the missus who is already asleep. He masturbates.

Scene #5: JT99 returns home from bar, alone again, head down, shoulders slouched, feet shuffling. Flash forward to him falling asleep on the couch watching "Friends" reruns while halfturbating to Jennifer Aniston.

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Scene #6: Our heroes are called into one of the two offices of their boss, a rough-talking Philly native whose wall is plastered with remembrance photos of long-departed fish.

"Can I ask you two a question? You seem down, broken up. What's happening?"

"My life sucks," says both in unison.

"Well, listen, as a happily married man," says the boss while straightening his flat brim hat, "I think that I can help you." Handing each guy a business card, "Hear call this guy."

Scene #7: Inside of a different office.

"Hi fellas, my name is Prezbo and I'm the head of Daintlife, Inc. I understand that you two need help."



"Wow! You're progress has been great! Soon you two will be slaying puss like me all over town; however, you still dress like shit! Call up these guys," Prezbo says as he hands over a business card.

Scene #8: Inside yet another office.

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"Hello, my name is Rodney and this is my partner, Jew," says the more distinguished of the two men. "We are here to help fix your style."

"Yeah, you fucking American pansy mother fuckers need a lot of help," says the hairier of the two men while pulling out a knife. "Take off your clothes"



"Man, you guys are in great shape and your style is now fresh but you still need to feel better about yourselfs before we can send you back to your women. You can't check their oil without some confidence. See this guy," they say handing over yet another business card.

Scene #9: Inside of a harem tent

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"Ahhhhh, snap, you came to the right place. Imma finna make y'all legit," says the dark-skinned man who identified himself only as "DJ Get Right".

"First off, let me set some mood up in this piece."



"Yeah, I can tell you all feeling that shit. Let that get into your dick, y'all. Also, drink some of this protein concoction and go on a seven-mile run with me."

JT99 and Greg's Kite are looking good, dressed sharply and are brimming with confidence.

"The pussy will now fall at our feet," they exclaim while high-fiving.

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Scene #10: outside of Greg Kite's house, he stand with flowers in hand for his wife and his new best friend at his side offering support



Scene #11: JT and Kite ride in car together

"I just can't even, JT. I just can't even. I want to be single like you."

"No, you don't Kite. No you don't. See, you're thinking that it's like going to the buffet where there is all these choices in front of you and you can just pick ala carte from whatever you see. But, it's not like that, Greg. What you don't know is that the sushi has been sitting out for ten hours, so you can't have that. The sweet and sour pork is burnt. The beef with broccoli gives you gas and the cashew chicken has spit from the cook sitting on top of it. Sure, it looks like a great presentation when you walk in but all you end up eating is a bowl of jello and some self-serve ice cream over and over."

"So, what can we do, JT? What can we do?"

Scene 12:



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Last edited by JT99 on 21 Jul 2014, 09:06, edited 1 time in total.
BigJohnStudd wrote:The original Annie movie from the 80s has a lot of panty shots for a PG rated kids film.


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Re: Casting call for Sons of the Sports Guy: The Movie

Postby Jew Jitsu » 20 Jul 2014, 01:23

The mister bacon bit was good shit
CourtesyFlush - Wed May 31, 2017 7:52 am: I stopped taking creep shots when I found out a dude who used to work on my floor got arrested for that at a walgreens in uptown charlotte.
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Re: Casting call for Sons of the Sports Guy: The Movie

Postby Frank the Tank » 20 Jul 2014, 09:52

I was hoping for more of an Officer and a Gentleman ending where you two coin-flip to see who gets to be Richard Gere and who is Debra Winger, but that's still good shit.
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Re: Casting call for Sons of the Sports Guy: The Movie

Postby Iron Mike Sharpe » 21 Jul 2014, 12:08

Great work on the poster. Other than the prez one, the rest all look like their dudes.
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Re: Casting call for Sons of the Sports Guy: The Movie

Postby Clayton Bigsby » 21 Jul 2014, 12:20

Iron Mike Sharpe wrote:Great work on the poster. Other than the prez one, the rest all look like their dudes.


TY. I realize Jonah Hill doesn't look like Prez, but I wanted to go with a famous guy that had freakish weight loss, and throw in the Jew factor, and this seemed like the right way to go.
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Re: Casting call for Sons of the Sports Guy: The Movie

Postby bosux » 21 Jul 2014, 13:08

Clayton Bigsby wrote:
Iron Mike Sharpe wrote:Great work on the poster. Other than the prez one, the rest all look like their dudes.


TY. I realize Jonah Hill doesn't look like Prez, but I wanted to go with a famous guy that had freakish weight loss, and throw in the Jew factor, and this seemed like the right way to go.


i got it and think it was a perfect choice given the context
by bosux » 02 Mar 2016, 13:34
if the democratic power machine is so tone deaf as to foist $hrillary upon the electorate they will lose to Trump...bet on it
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Re: Casting call for Sons of the Sports Guy: The Movie

Postby Iron Mike Sharpe » 21 Jul 2014, 13:23

Trying to think of who prez looks like, celebritywise... Harold Ramis, maybe?
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Re: Casting call for Sons of the Sports Guy: The Movie

Postby ctz31 » 23 Jan 2015, 09:54

Fri Jan 23, 2015 8:40 am Clayton Bigsby ctz: would you do a "SOTSGers as Casino characters" post? Get all the main characters, maybe some minors. I insist that the James Woods character is included


Ace Rothstein: Prez

Stinkin Jew. Tried to play life straight but eventually got sucked into the seedy underworld. Knows all the odds, taking down his poker game every week. Plus with his recent eye trouble I could definitely see him wearing these specs some day.

Prime Bbcode Spoiler Show Prime Bbcode Spoiler:
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Ginger: Greg Kite. With a name like Ginger, who else could it be. Alcoholic just looking for love and security but always turning people off with the methods to her madness. Late night inappropriate phone calls. Great body.

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Nicky: Nova. Classic bully. Constantly making people disappear. Racist.

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Lester Diamond: Frank the Tank. The Card shark. The Golf hustler. The pimp from beverly hills.

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Remo: Farva. Old. Fat. Always the most important guy in any room. Lives out of town and is willing to look the other way on unscrupulous activities he's involved in as long as he gets his suitcase of money every month.

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Artie Piscano: Shamgod. Keeps files and notes on everything. Could bring the entire empire down in the blink of an eye.

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Don Ward (Idiot Cowboy). Yokel. Pretty. Great hair. Stupid. "listen you fuckin yokel.." catz.



Yea, that's all i got. Harder than i thought it would be.
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Re: Casting call for Sons of the Sports Guy: The Movie

Postby Colonel Angus » 23 Jan 2015, 09:56

=D+= Very well done.
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Re: Casting call for Sons of the Sports Guy: The Movie

Postby JT99 » 23 Jan 2015, 10:08

I love that Rickles enters that scene and just stands there without saying a word
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BostonSucksMyBalls wrote:26 Jan 2017 10:53: need the D
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