New Season Thread

Re: New Season Thread

Postby babylurch » 03 Aug 2016, 06:04

TheWolf wrote:Are those eggs pickled? They look like regular old deviled eggs to me.

Breakfast Mary in a Cup - spicy bloody Michelada mix, bacon on a stick, celery, pickled egg and olives
according to the Chargers website.
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Re: New Season Thread

Postby TVF wannabe » 04 Aug 2016, 15:32

I somehow ended up with the Texans.

TEXANS +/- 8.5

The Texans perennially underachieve and even last year without Luck barely hit the over so I would take the UNDER

JJ Watt is considered the best defender and some people want him to be the MVP every year despite the fact that he doesn't elevate the D even though he has all world numbers and they just don't win. Now he has a back injury and needs surgery so who knows what he'll become but this might be the beginning of the end for him.

Clowney went to the Albert Haynesworth school of life but missed the class that said you need to be good for a few years so you can cash in. Maybe this year will be different, he does have all world potential.

I'm not sold on the new QB or the coach.






CHI @ HOU
KC @ HOU
HOU @ NE
TEN @ HOU
HOU @ MIN
IND @ HOU
HOU @ DEN
DET @ HOU
Bye
HOU @ JAX
HOU @ OAK Mexico
SD @ HOU
HOU @ GB
HOU @ IND
JAX @ HOU
CIN @ HOU
HOU @ TEN

That looks like about 7 or 8 wins to me so I'll take the under. Of course Watt may be fine, Clowney may be great and Osweiler might be the Next Warner and they'll win it all, I doubt it though.

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Re: New Season Thread

Postby Gregs Kite » 04 Aug 2016, 17:51

TVF wannabe wrote:
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Oy fucking vey. /normal people

Gross. /farv and 31, known homosexuals
You fuckers ruined kite.

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Re: New Season Thread

Postby Rodney Farva » 05 Aug 2016, 06:39

prettier than emily ratface. in.
You coin contrarian bro and say shit nonsense like this.
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Re: New Season Thread

Postby Prez » 05 Aug 2016, 06:42

TVF wannabe wrote:
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Yeah, I enjoy that pic. Splooge.
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Re: New Season Thread

Postby The Long Dick of the Law » 26 Aug 2016, 19:19

REDSKINS

O/U 7.5 wins

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So these jokers have possibly the best set of receivers and TEs in da league... who are all brittle as shit...

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And a bunch of running backs who are... brittle as shit....

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led by a QB who is franchised despite never beating a team with a winning record....

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coming off a division title meaning they get to play Green Bay, Arizona, and Carolina automatically plus Pittsburgh, Cincy, Balmer, Minny, Detroit, Chicago, and RGIIIsus and Believeland

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So can this team go 8-8? Well Philly sucks, 2 wins, Giants seem dumpster-fire-y so we'll say 1-1, Cowboys are held together by wet tissue paper... 1-1, GB, AZ, Panthers all losses, so that's 4-5, Pitt is Monday night, skins lose on Monday nights, 4-6, Cincy is probably gonna have a winning record, 4-7, RGIII vengance 4-8, Balmer, Minny, Detroit, and Chicago are all gonna be at least 1 loss... so take the

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UNDER
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Re: New Season Thread

Postby ctz31 » 29 Aug 2016, 14:11

Ok, i think i'm ready to review these catz. I've watched approx. two quarters.

O/U 8

So people are pretty flyered up about the offense, all of a sudden. This started gathering steam after the giants game. So I had it DVR'ed and was interested to see what was shakin. What I saw was a lot of boring drives, bad line play, sandwiched around a couple of fantastic plays for Tyrod. So these are the plays that everyone is getting all erect about, and they are nice, but the rest was....not good bob. I dunno, this was one of the plays which was sweet.



Then the fullback fumbled on the goal line. Nice. And then he had a nice throw to shady for a TD. Otherwise, meh. The defense has looked pretty good, but who knows in the preseason. Last game, Kirk Cousins did ok, but we didn't really play any starters. Despite winning the offseason, we have had a ton of injuries, and suspensions, so i think Rex just said fuck it lets get to the reg season. I also watched a quarter of the skins game, and it was a penalty fest for my team. Shocking.

On offense, as long as Tyrod, Shady and Sammy stay healthy, expect some great highlights. I think shady will have to do it more in the passing game though. The o line looks pretty beat. Sammy will continue to be world class, and as long as they feed him the ball like they were doing at the end of last year, he'll put up top 5 fantasy wide receiver like numbers.

Clay is a good tight end, but after Sammy WR is pretty pretty questionable.

On defense, missing Dareus for 4 games will be a massive blow, but hopefully we have the pieces to keep things together. The linebackers stink, and despite losing Mario, i think the D line will be just fine. Our corners are legit as well, but the safety play could be a problem. Especially if Aaron Williams goes down early again.

Carpenter seems to be over the yips of last year at the kicker spot.

It's do or die for Rex this year, so without further ado, to the schedule:

Start out @ravens. They stunk last year, but I am a big john harbaugh fan. He'll have them ready. I think we'll win this one. Home thursday nighter v. Jets, we will pound Fitz shit in. So 2-0. Everyone is counting the home v. Cardinals as a lost, and they are probably right. Then @ the cheating faggots minus TB. We'll probably lose, as we will amass 17 penalties for 320 yards, most of them phantom, so that we ensure garrafalo keeps things a float. Chris Hogan goes for 11 and 155 yards, as the pats pick their way (lol) through our sievefense. So 2-2.

@ the rams, they will prolly push our shit in. Then we'll beat the kaepless niners at the ralph New Era field.

We own that faggot Tannehill, so that will be a win in Miami, followed by a lost at home to TB and the deflator. 4-4. @seattle and the greatest fans in the world will be a bloodbath on monday night. @bengals, we always lose to them. So 4-6. We'll beat the jags at home, and then lose to the raiders on a west coast swing. So 5-7. Then we go home, home, home with steelers/browns/dolphins. We'll get two of those, so 7-8. Finish @jets, and since the wheels have come off and Rex has probably been fired, we'll blow this one on New year day. So 7-9. Bang the under. These guys stink. Thursday night tailgate will be off the hook though.


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This person is allegedly a bills fan



http://www.totalprosports.com/2015/11/23/rebecca-grant-monday-night-football-rap-video/

Still love this vid.

http://deadspin.com/bills-fans-hump-between-cars-1746556990

Out.
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Re: New Season Thread

Postby SouthernYokel » 29 Aug 2016, 14:14

i always find myself wondering what that group is looking at in the photo where the guy is manually stimulating his seacow.
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Re: New Season Thread

Postby Clayton Bigsby » 31 Aug 2016, 08:19

Seattle Seahawks - O/U 10 wins

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Big Losses:

Bruce Irvin, Russell Okung, Marshawn Lynch


Big Additions:

N/A


Summary:

Overrated QB DangeRussell Wilson, who lucked into a perfect situation with his tiny salary that allowed a dominant defense /LDOTL /Theny finally got a contact commensurate with his skills and accomplishments. The contract also limited the teams ability to keep everyone that they would want to. So I guess we'll finally see if he's all that or just a coattail rider like 2001 Tom Brady and 2015 Peyton Manning. Beast Mode is gone, but Thomas Rawls and Christine Michael may be able to fill his shoes. Most of the skill players on offense are back, and Jimmy Graham may or my not be back in a useful way. Sources say the O-Line has been depleted a bit, which will put more pressure on Russ to perform like the superstar we know he is.

Defense should continue to be really good. /analysis


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Schedule:

1. vs. Miami - WIN
2. @ LA Rams - WIN
3. vs. San Francisco - WIN
4. @ NY Jets - WIN
5. Bye
6. Atlanta - LOSS
7. @ Arizona - LOSS
8. @ New Orleans - WIN
9. vs. Buffalo - WIN
10. @ New England - LOSS
11. vs. Philadelphia - WIN
12. @ Tampa Bay - WIN
13. vs. Carolina - LOSS
14. @ Green Bay - LOSS
15. vs. LA Rams - WIN
16. vs. Arizona - WIN
17. @ San Francisco - WIN


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That puts them at 11-5. I could see a surprise loss to TB or the Rams in there, which would make a push. But for now I give a cautious OVER recommendation. But TBH I would not bet on this either way.

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Re: New Season Thread

Postby BostonSucksMyBalls » 05 Sep 2016, 17:16

Cowboys: 9.5 wins - Boston, OF COURSE :lol: line never gets old, let me tell you

I did some research and I am seeing the new number at 8, since they added Sanchez. Let me just give a prediction and see where I land.

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We lost Romo, possibly forever. Did you know that his name rhymes with H*mo?

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Its ok. We have Dez and Ezekiel Elliott. And have you seen this Dak Prescott? Guy is a player! And his women is not too shabby, imo.

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The Defense should be stoudt. We still have Sean Lee, who is Mr Reliable. Also i am seeing that Randy Gregory's suspension has been reduced from 10 game to 4 games. Whatever that suspension was for. Whoever he is.

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I have reviewed the schedule (I havent), and I am only seeing 4 guaranteed Ls. That means they have 10 guaranteed wins, and 2 that could go either way.

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By my count, that puts us OVER. How bout them Cowboys!

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Re: New Season Thread

Postby Rodney Farva » 07 Sep 2016, 00:57

INDIANAPOLIS COLTS (9.5 WINS)

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uhm, what? i got these guys? okay, i guess.

offense

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andy luck signed a big shiny new contract, so he'll be paid very well to be surrounded by dreck and be at constant risk of injury. the line has been the biggest problem the past few years, and while rookie center ryan kelly should be solid, the unit hasn't improved enough. frank gore keeps soldiering on at running back but he's 97 years old with little to nothing behind him on the depth chart (yale's tyler varga, who showed some promise as a rookie in last year's preseason, retired after suffering a bad concussion that cut his season short, and as a yalie he is too much of a puss smart enough not to risk it again. i really like t.y. hilton but the rest of the WR corps is composed of fast guys who have yet to prove anything.

not quite separated at birth, but long lost cousins: andrew luck, and british golfer andrew "beef" johnston

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defense

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a healthy vontae davis is still a top notch player. the linebackers are somewhere in the average/decent range. otherwise this unit continues to be a puddle of slop.

special teams

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81 year old adam vinatieri continues to make his case for canton. pat mcafee is a very good punter and always at risk to do or say something really stupid. when your kickers are the best part of the team, well, good luck with all that.

coaching/management

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chuck pagano seems like a nice guy who deserves better. ryan gregson has proven over time that he has no business being an nfl general manager. maybe their drug addled weirdo owner will provide some entertaining hijinks.

verdict

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weak division, but every other team seems to have a rosier outlook. houston seems to be bouncing back, jacksonville has some offensive firepower and seems to be improving its defense. i think tennessee will be a bit better than people think, getting a big year from demarco murray. there's just a depressing no-hope aura about this team. if luck goes down (scott tolzien is his backup), particularly early in the year, they could be on the expressway to the worst record in the league.
HARD UNDER


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Re: New Season Thread

Postby mj3528 » 09 Sep 2016, 16:26

BALTIMORE RAVENS 8.5 wins

What an injustice for Jew to give me a team that should not exist. They still should be the Browns and I should have two Super Bowl wins.

The Ravens had only 5 wins last year. Huh, I guess I forgot that they stunk last year. What did they do to improve? Not much.

Flacco is still there and still not elite. Their running game is in shambles as they have a rookie, Justin Forsett and Terrence West, who Nova says is thirsty.

Steve Smith, who must be as old as Prez returns and they signed Mike Wallace as another WR who stinks. I am not sure who plays TE. They signed Benjamin Watson but he is out for the year now.

Their defense was pedestrian last year and they added Eric Weddle. That guy is overrated and talked about all the time here because he played at Utah and is white.

Let's look at their schedule:

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I see 2 wins against Cleveland, 1 against the Eagles and 2 out of the games against the Bills, Jacksonville and the Redskins.

while I do some math, let's look at some Ravens supporters:

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I don't see how they get to 9 wins. UNDER
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Re: New Season Thread

Postby OJ8871440 » 11 Sep 2016, 12:04

I got the Jets....okay

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They could be winless heading into the game against mj#'s

They brought in Forte, cut Amaro at TE (another stellar draft pick), and brought back this guy

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No one should ever be that excited about Fitzpatrick...take the UNDER

I'll add more later, just trying to make prediction before kickoff
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Re: New Season Thread

Postby JichaelDick » 24 Dec 2016, 16:52

JichaelDick wrote:YOUR ATLANTA FALCONS!

O/U 7.5

Last season, the Falcons got off to a hot start before faltering down the stretch. The only semi-decent thing the team did was stun the Panthers in Week 16 to keep them from having an unbeaten regular season. But yeah, 8-8 in Dan Quinn's first season really did a lot to erase the stench of boredom that was the end of the Mike Smith era in Atlanta (an aside: Smith is either the best or second-best coach in Falcons history. Dear God, what are we?)

What the Falcons return: JUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUULIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Seriously, Julio Jones is great. Matt Ryan is a solid QB that was once called elite by Phil Simms (in the early part of a game the Falcs would lose 34-3 to Carolina to lose the 2014 NFC South title).

What the Falcs have gained: Alex Mack, ex-center for SOTSG's team, the Cleveland Browns. No word if a truck of GC-161 will be outside the Georgia Dome during the season to help him regain his former powers.

What the Falcs lost: Devin Hester. Ehh, great game against Tampa Bay in 2014 notwithstanding, he was decidedly meh in 2015 and is probably D-U-N done.

Schedule:

Week 1, Tampa Bay: Loss. Jameis owns the Falcs
Week 2, @Oakland: Loss. Really like the young talent in Oakland.
Week 3, @New Orleans: Loss. Just watch the debate that night if the Donald hasn't backed out by then. It'll be ugly, people.
Week 4, Carolina: Loss. No comment, other than Cam is going to be out for revenge and it will be a bloodbath
Week 5, @Denver: Loss. Jesus, who are the ad wizards who came up with this schedule?
Week 6, @Seattle: Loss. Good God. This is brutal!
Week 7, San Diego: Win. Falcons do just enough to annoy Phil Rivers, get on the winning side for once.
Week 8, Green Bay: Loss. Well, that was fun while it lasted.
Week 9, @Tampa Bay: Loss. Jameis owns the Falcs.
Week 10, @Philadelphia: Win. There's always one semi-inexplicable win on everybody's schedule. This is it.
Week 12, Arizona: Loss. O/U on Bruce Arians curse words during the game: 174.5. Take the over.
Week 13, Kansas City: Loss. Vanilla Vick, a.k.a. Alex Smith, goes wild. Andy has something cooked up for the Falcons' beleaguered defense
Week 14, @Los Angeles: Loss. By this point, Quinn has been fired and "Radio" Raheem Morris is the interim HC. Falcons play well for a half, leading fans to believe Raheem is the man for the job. Falcons implode in the second half, causing Arthur Blank to fire Raheem after the game.
Week 15, San Francisco: Win. Kyle Shanahan is given the reins, and thanks to some Colin Kaepernick screw-ups, the Falcons win 24-21. Blank offers Shanahan a 10-year contract on the spot.
Week 16, @Carolina: Loss. It gets ugly. Real ugly. Blank immediately buys out Shanahan's contract and makes him a door installer for the Marietta Home Depot.
Week 17, New Orleans: Win. Bryan Cox leads the Falcons to a 30-24 win, aided in large part due to Drew Brees' 1st half injury after the 5th late hit on him. Cox says he was just trying to teach the guys to play more aggressively, but Vic Beasley insists that Cox threatened to murder every member of the defense if Brees made it to the second half. Blank gives Cox a 2-year contract, but Roger Goodell suspends Cox and the rest of the Falcon coaches for the 2017 season for their roles in Bountygate II.

Final Record: 4-12. Take the under. Please, dear God,


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