Minnesota Vikings - 9.5
...I'm kinda stoked for this season....an avalanche of talent on defense, a coaching staff that knows what the fuck they're doing, they got a real good wide-out to go with Teddy who's primed for a breakout, and they improved their holy shit bad offensive line to not looking awful, and still AP...so it'll probably be a dumpster fire. To the preview!
Let's start on defense because Fuck and Yes. The d-line is Solomon's Treasure. You got Fatass Joseph as a terror on the inside with an improving Shariff Floyd, Everson Griffin on one side wrecking havoc, and Robison on the other with "youngest player in the league last year/all rookie team" Danielle Hunter ready to take over. They got some depth too but do we really want to talk about Tom Johnson? We do? Okay, big fan. And sometimes they'll knock Griffin or Robison to DT and bring Barr down to DE.
Which brings us to the linebackers and Anthony Barr. He is the modern Frankenstein but able to run circles around the villagers. Eric Kendricks is faster. Still got Greenway's competent, old, somewhat downsy ass too. There's some backups they like. I don't. Barr and Kendricks are enough nowadays.
The secondary is due for a breakout. Hitman Harrison is still one of the 3 best safeties in the league - come at me. Not sure who they'll put next to him - whiteass Sendejo? Free agent Michael Griffin? Doesn't matter, Smith does everything. Xavier is one of the best covers in the league - just can't make a play to save his life. Waynes came on a little bit last year and in the playoff game, be nice for him to finally make Newman take a seat on the bench - though Newman can still play somehow *cough* HGH *cough* And Munnerlyn and the kid from Clemson to round it out.
And Zimmer being Zimmer. Swooooooooooooooon.
On offense, they gotta give Teddy the keys already. Let him shotgun for three quarters and AP can close in the fourth. Teddy can sling - under 15 yards. Man is he accurate - under 15 yards. Seriously that ball is on a laser-driven rope - under 15 yards. Sink or swim time.
The line is vastly improved on paper. Kalil is stil there, which sucks. But Boone is a pro bowler, Sullivan is healthy, Andre Smith's fatass titties, and they kept the somewhat average guys to fill in gaps here and there. But who knows. I ain't watching all-22 film. That's baiting time.
Receiving corps is...there. Diggs looked great for half a year. Rudy is either hurt or catching 5 yard touchdowns, there's no in between. Big fan of their other 3 tight ends too though, whose names I won't bore you with. Everyone's in love with the German because he's Aryan and we're a racist fanbase (FREROTTE SHOULD START OVER CULPEPPER!). Patterson's last stand. Big fan of Treadwell but gotta wait and see. In other words...eh. Norv better have some shit up his sleeve.
The kicking.....well, let's hope Walsh puts this behind him.
This mongloid fans won't.
@Tennessee - Bwaha Mularky W
Green Bay - Stadium opener, Sunday Night Primetime, you'll get to watch them shit the bed against the Pack in a big game, a Vikings tradition L
@Carolina - I think Carolina is due for a MEAN regression W
NYG - Blow me, Beckham W
Houston - Matt Schaub isn't walking through that door W
BYE WEEK - Mani pedis for everyone!
@Philadelphia - Carson Wentz and Doug Pederson, Dear God. W
@Chicago - Halloween Monday night game! *wank* W
Detroit - Two mondays in a row, I'm so so sorry everyone W
@Washington - MEAAAAAAAAAAAAN regression W
Arizona - yeah no L
@Detroit - Thanksgiving game, damn. NFL thinks you'll want to see us a lot this year. So, so sorry. W
Dallas - Oh Thursday, again, so so sorry. L
@Jacksonville - D'ok W
Indianapolis - Luck's gonna need this more than the Vikes L
@Green Bay - XMas Eve! And that's an L
Chicago - New Years Day, jesus how many holidays can they put these assholes on. W
11-5. That seems reasonable.
And now, what you all came here for: Harcorde Nudity
Work Sensors Approved JPEGS!
5, 4, 2, 1, 3 - why the fuck is 3 front and center? Looks like a more made-up Miss Piggy.
Fun Fact: After this picture was taken AP's dick immediately went into her mouth.
The angle makes her look like Attack of the 50 Foot Avon lady.
Everything about her screams "once double teamed at an off-campus party."
I see why the Vikings pillaged and raped.
TheWolf - Wed Sep 14, 2016 12:02 pm: BREAKING: wolfette did not come home to blow me
Briandong79 - Wed Sep 14, 2016 12:02 pm: 31, you're up.