D'Annunzio wrote:When it comes to sports, avoid revealing which teams you follow if possible, but if you must engage in conversation about them, make sure all of your comments are about how lousy your team is. Only a true douche expresses optimism toward their team or predicts success for them. If you see someone referring to his favorite team in a positive manner, feel free to pile on the Massengill. When your team wins anything, it is considered highly douchey to be happy about it. When they lose, pile on and talk about how much you hate them. That is the essence of being a great sports fan. By doing this, you can avoid having anyone razz you when your team loses, thereby making you feel like a douche. And no, this does not make you a pussy at all.
Well, the douche is right. The avatar and thread just aren?t enough, so here?s a reminder that you should all be talking about THE Baltimore Ravens, and only, THE Baltimore Ravens. God damnit, I?m a Ravens fan and I?ll be as insufferable as I want to be. Follow these steps, and the advice contained in them, and you?ll rule the world wide web in no time!
1. Everything that?s written on SOTSG is crap. But no matter how much you hate it and everything written here, you should continue to read every thread religiously as soon as it is posted to the interwebs. Or you could take the stance that you?re not here very often to read the horseshit threads, but yet still have an opinion on everything written. This may not make any sense, but it will lead to your continued presence here at SOTSG.
2. Inquire within about the Cult of Ray-Ray?sure, no one on his own team likes him, but that?s neither here nor there.
3. Never forget sonz: During the 2000 season, the Super Bowl Champion Ravens Defense set an NFL record, holding opposing teams to 165 total points. Remind yourself of this every morning, and repeat
4. Always, ALWAYS, recognize Chris McAlister as the best corner in the league, even if he?s closer to Top 5 when he?s really on his game.
5. Please, feel free to ask me what Willis is ?talking ?bout,? so I can gleefully tell you he?s talkin ?bout being the 3rd leading rusher in the league!
6. If you try and tell me someone?s going to run all over Baltimore, I?ll tell you (Haloti) Ngata Chance!
7. Finally, beg me to tell you about my trip to Pittsburgh last year, where I: met Adalius Thomas, watched Willie Parker get a massage (I know that sounds about as heterosexual as listening to Nickelback, but it?s not as bad as it sounds), and talked shit to Joey Porter. This was all before watching the Ravens destroy the Steelers, ending their chances at the playoffs and becoming the first team in NFL history to beat the defending Super Bowl champs TWICE in the following season.
You see, it?s really not important to remain objective when talking about your team. More importantly, it?s not necessary to STFU (oh, I know how you guys like your scenester jive!) about your team, when no one else could give a shit about them. In fact, it?s imperative that you do just the opposite. It?s irrelevant that the Ravens are 4-3 and not playing better than their record?they?re the best motherfucking team on this planet, and have been since mankind was created (or at least since their inception, 12 years ago).
Everyone talks about the Gaytriots, but what the hell are they doing? It?s what have you done for me lately, and the Ravens consistently give you 60 most glorious minutes of football. They don?t let trifling things like points or losses get in the way of that, because they?re above all of that. There?s a reason I?m flying out to San Diego to see them play this month, and I would go see them demolish New England on MNF the following week, but I?d rather not feed you bitches ammo while you whine about the hype.
So have at it you pussy douches, drop down and get your Raven on, because when I say R-A-V, you had all better respond: E-N-to-the-motherfuckin?-S!!!!11!!1!!
i used to be commander and chief of my pimp ship.
2008 Who's Now
BSMB: poor nerf. You had a fine year. One and DUN, yo.