God I had way too much fun doing this...
1. Ken Jennings (Props to the Sports Gal)...He'd get a HELLACIOUS overhand right--Clark Griswold-MartyMoose style.
2. Paul Hamm...Yeah, yeah. I know he's our hero. But if he were a dog, he would be shitsu performing pelvic thrusts on my forearm.
3. Blonde guy on "Queer Eye" ...I can stand him for about .3 nanoseconds.
4. Rick Fox...ONE uppercut is all I ask.
5. Mel Kiper Jr. ...Arrogant guys--who have no reason to be--INFURIATE me! The permanent scowl on his face doesn't help either.
The Derek Lowe Face, Sigfried & Roy (They get one ballot...Unfortunately, the tiger beat me to one of them), Terry Francona (Yes, I'm a Red Sox. But if he didn't win the World Series, you'd have to give me a restraining order for all of the boners that he popped this year), Balcy, Derek Jeter (I'd like to blindside him after one of those fist pumps...a la Jermaine O'Neal), Carson Daly (No talents who hook up with supermodels just flatout piss me off. See: Rick Fox), John Cousack, Ross from Friends (See:Carson Daly), Shawn Green, Bob Sagat, Matthew Broderick, Phil Luckett (the former NFL referee), Pedro from the Real World S.F., Jar Jar Binks, Brevin Knight, Troy Edwards, George Karl, Sean Salsbury, "Doogie" (who is currently coaching the Nets), Jim Rome (I can't explain this one), Joe Morgan (this one needs no explanation).
I know I am leaving out a TON. We'll just consider this my first installment.... WOW. That felt GREAT!