Bill Simmons' Popular Mailbag from October 20th, 2017!

Discuss the columns here!

Bill Simmons' Popular Mailbag from October 20th, 2017!

Postby Gregs Kite » 20 Oct 2017, 10:17

Apr 22, 2015 3:49 pm Clayton Bigsby i enjoy sports

Magnum - Thu Aug 17, 2017 3:36 pm: perhaps my reaction was built up greg hatred finally coming through. fuck that guy.

Frank the Tank wrote:If I die I leave my red font to Kite.
User avatar
Gregs Kite
Friend of Friends
 
Posts: 23715
Joined: 20 Jan 2007, 15:59
Location: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Re: Bill Simmons' Popular Mailbag from October 20th, 2017!

Postby Dr Jeckyll » 20 Oct 2017, 18:00

We don’t like football as much because of concussions, greed, Goodell, oversaturation, the gratuitous violence, all the unseemly off-field stuff and everything else I covered in this piece.


We are not big fans of Phil's new trend of saying "we" instead of "I" when he's talking about his opinion.
Gregs Kite - Wed Apr 05, 2017 2:55 pm: I hate DJ and his stupid face and hes so stupid and I want to punch him
User avatar
Dr Jeckyll
Never Forgotten
 
Posts: 7758
Joined: 08 Oct 2005, 14:11
Location: New Jersey

Re: Bill Simmons' Popular Mailbag from October 20th, 2017!

Postby TheWolf » 20 Oct 2017, 18:39

Dr Jeckyll wrote:
We don’t like football as much because of concussions, greed, Goodell, oversaturation, the gratuitous violence, all the unseemly off-field stuff and everything else I covered in this piece.


We are not big fans of Phil's new trend of saying "we" instead of "I" when he's talking about his opinion.


We agree with us on this.
"our kayaking guy sucked and came last"
- SGSW
User avatar
TheWolf
Hand-Holder
 
Posts: 18394
Joined: 16 Nov 2004, 08:17
Location: Dead

Re: Bill Simmons' Popular Mailbag from October 20th, 2017!

Postby babylurch » 20 Oct 2017, 18:59

TheWolf wrote:
Dr Jeckyll wrote:
We don’t like football as much because of concussions, greed, Goodell, oversaturation, the gratuitous violence, all the unseemly off-field stuff and everything else I covered in this piece.


We are not big fans of Phil's new trend of saying "we" instead of "I" when he's talking about his opinion.


We agree with us on this.

He is the voice of a generation.
2013 Jason McElwaine Regional Champion
User avatar
babylurch
Basketball Jesus
 
Posts: 4581
Joined: 11 May 2006, 16:07
Location: 2013 Jason McElwaine Regional Champion

Re: Bill Simmons' Popular Mailbag from October 20th, 2017!

Postby ctz31 » 20 Oct 2017, 22:00

babylurch wrote:
TheWolf wrote:
Dr Jeckyll wrote:
We don’t like football as much because of concussions, greed, Goodell, oversaturation, the gratuitous violence, all the unseemly off-field stuff and everything else I covered in this piece.


We are not big fans of Phil's new trend of saying "we" instead of "I" when he's talking about his opinion.


We agree with us on this.

He is the voice of a generation.


Preach. This lib faggot pushes this shit as if it's everyone. If anything "we" don't like it as much because the referees and rules suck now and there are like 4 good teams left because they got lucky and got a quarterback or belechick.
User avatar
ctz31
#nnf
 
Posts: 9663
Joined: 03 Feb 2005, 10:06
Location: Why did I come to Buffalo???

Re: Bill Simmons' Popular Mailbag from October 20th, 2017!

Postby Dthefritz » 21 Oct 2017, 13:25

I hopped on Pro-Football-Reference, determined the biggest stars from the ’97 season, then

compared them to the cast of Midnight Run?

2017 doppelgängers from an admittedly ambiguous age/talent/career/respect/celebrity/resonance/charisma standpoint.

Only a man with the brainpower to determine that Ryan Reynolds is not a movie star could be equipped to tackle this pressing issue.

Only Deion Sanders and Cam Newton didn’t have true doppelgängers—I canceled them out as the Polarizing Freak Athlete for their respective generations.

I canceled Bill Simmons out as a potential writer who understands what a doppleganger is.

Troy Aikman (’97) = Eli Manning (’17)

what

But guess what. I was wrong! 2017’s stars more than held their own against 1997’s stars. There goes that theory.

Yeah, take that all zero people who believed the NFL's biggest problem is a lack of recognizable and marketable players.

True story: The Madden NFL ’96 video game arrived with a then-hilarious wrinkle. Whenever a player got injured, you heard a crunch followed by Pat Summerall saying, “Oh no, there’s a man down.” Eventually, anyone playing realized that you could maim players after the whistle

My god! What does that say about "us"? If those dang kids hadn't been playing those dang violent video games, we could solve this whole school shooting issue!

We like basketball more than we did in 1997, for all the reasons covered in this space before: social media made the players more accessible; rule changes made the product more consistently entertaining; YouTube and Twitter allowed us to consume specific plays in easily digestible bites;

This is no more true of basketball than it is of any other sport.

In 1997, Iverson was treated by the media (and even a certain generation of fans) like a menacing, uncontrollable force. In 2017? He’d be a god right away. My God, can you imagine a 21-year-old Iverson now? During the Twitter era?

And here, America's most popular sportswriter, somebody who's taken seriously by a significant portion of NBA fans, is arguing that Allen Iverson was somehow not a media sensation when he played in the NBA. I fucking can't with this guy.

Did you ever think you’d care about LeBron James’s shirtless workout videos or Russell Westbrook’s passive-aggressive Instagram photos?

I didn't, and I was right.

Football isn’t dying by any means; the ratings and attendance and merchandising money tell us as much.

And his entire argument falls apart when he brings in a bit of relevant data. Shocking, really.

How does Roger Goodell not get fired yesterday? He’s grown the league so poorly that the NFL’s signature video game was forced to use NBA STARS to seem a little more hip!

Because the Roger Goodell's job is to ensure that the owners keep making money, which as you just pointed out, they continue to do. His job is not make Aaron Rodgers cooler than James Harden.

Q: The NFL might be struggling for viable stars this season but isn't the real star crisis over on The Challenge?

Couldn't agree more.

Q: Why don’t we refer to Philip Rivers as Octo-Dad?
—Dean, Juniper Hills, Calif.

BS: I can’t think of a single reason.

We're not unfunny asshats who come up with terrible nicknames for players who aren't good based on references to reality TV stars from years ago?

Q: Can we find Jared Goff a nickname?
—Tyler Goffi, Shamokin, Pa.

BS: Sure—what about J-Go? I’m not afraid of Jared Goff down four with two minutes left. You know who I’m afraid of? J-Go. Done! We’re on a roll with nicknames right now. Let’s keep it going.

I'm pretty sure this guy made fun of Linda Cohn for calling Ivan Rodriguez I-Rod like 15 years ago. HE'S BECOME THE VERY THING HE HATES!

I jinxed the 2017 Patriots season with August’s “25 Greatest Patriots Wins of the Brady-Belichick Era” podcast, which almost immediately severed Julian Edelman’s ACL and ruined our defense. I also jinxed Younghoe Koo’s career by having him on The B.S. Podcast.

If supernatural forces affected the Patriots play based on the shittiness of their fans, they would go 0-16 every year. There really is no god.

Um ... the reprehensible Patriots D gave up 354 yards to Josh McCown, Jeremy Kerley, Robby Anderson, and the Syndrome last week. Now they’re stopping the Falcons? Even if the Falcons cover with a garbage-time TD near the end as the entire crowd is derisively chanting, “Twenty-eight to three! Twenty-eight to three!” I think they’re covering this one. I apologize but I need to bank some wins.


messageboard poster who is very good at dancing wrote:My prediction is that his next column will be all about how the Patriots...we should all suck their dicks, but also shit on them constantly so that the next subpar opponent they beat means they deserve to have their balls gargled all over again.


I’m always partial to ESPN apologizing at 12:30 a.m. (when just about everyone in Boston was asleep) for erroneously saying two different times that the Patriots illegally taped a St. Louis Rams walkthrough before Super Bowl XXXVI.

Bill's not taking this menopause too well.

“Hey, Aaron Rodgers, do Aaron Rodgers stuff.” He’s gone. You can’t play the same offense! This is one of many reasons Bill Belichick goes down as the GOAT

If he actually proofread what he wrote, he might realize he kind of admitted that Brady isn't really all that great.

My old ESPN teammate Chad Millman once came up with a great “I wish I had thought of that!” idea called PSVAR (point spread value above replacement) that’s basically gambling VORP. Guess who had the highest number every year? Aaron Rodgers

Ooh boy, this is getting progressively tougher for him to walk back.

Deshaun Watson! Who knew? Oh, wait—everyone who valued character, college success, intangibles, calmness and leadership seemed to know.

The fact that he can throw a 50 yard pass perfectly on target, and avoid sacks is just a complete coincidence I guess.

The Steelers beat the Chiefs only because of Andy Reid and Ben’s hideous floater into double coverage that magically transformed into an Antonio Brown TD. Has Big Ben entered the Lucky Dad Golfer Stage where he’s going to be duck-hooking drives that careen off trees and land right in the fairway à la Peyton Manning from 2012 through 2014?

Wahhh. Peyton Manning's season where he broke the record for passing touchdowns was all luck! ASTERISK!!!! NAWT CLUTCH.

Q: I am perplexed about the cries that the NFL is conspiring to keep Kaepernick out of the league. Isn’t this just a case of the talent not matching the headache? Other notables chased from a job for the same reason: Ray Rice, Greg Hardy, Tim Tebow, Bill Simmons.
—Britt

BS: “And now, they’re all living in the same house, on Fox’s new series, The Headache House, premiering Monday at 9 on Fox!”

Maybe now all you butthurt MAWG's can go back to liking this assclown.

Q: Did Keanu Reeves turn down Speed 2 because it was terrible? Or was Speed 2 terrible because Keanu wasn’t in it? Also, do you think it’s too late for Keanu and Sandra Bullock to reunite for Speed 3?
—Jeremy, Houston

BS: Your first and second questions are unanswerable—it’s like trying to figure out whether Belichick or Brady was more responsible for New England’s five Super Bowls. (That’s the most common mailbag question that I’ve never answered, if only because it can’t be answered.)

Not by somebody with Bill Simmons' cognitive capacity, but it certainly can be answered. Spoiler alert: it's not the guy who sits out due to injury/suspension and watches his team win 75% of the time.

The Browns kept turning away franchise QBs like one of those tortured TV heartthrobs who doesn’t want anyone to fall in love with him because he knows they’ll get hurt. They’re basically Dylan McKay after he came back to 90210 a few years after his gorgeous wife was murdered by her father’s mafia hitmen, only now he had a heroin problem and even MORE baggage.

I mean, I highly doubt that the Browns are selflessly passing up great QB's out of heartfelt concern for their career trajectory, but sick reference bruh.

However, I will admit that I rewatched some of Oz recently, and can bring myself to admit that Luke Perry did a good job on that show. There, I said it.

It’s been a brutal October for my dad. The Red Sox got knocked out. The Yankees are still alive. It’s the worst Patriots team in eight years.

Really brutal that your teams make the playoffs every year and only sometimes win championships. I can't imagine how tough it must be for Boston fans.

The Hayward-Kyrie era lasted five minutes before being derailed by the most gruesome NBA injury maybe ever.
[/quote][/quote]
This is like in the #GOAT when AJ manages to make Bobby's murder all about himself. Do I feel a little bad for Hayward? Sure. Do I feel bad for Celtics fans and how traumatic this all was for them? Not a bit. Especially not Bill's dad, who literally cried tears of joy over the Bruins Stanley Cup, who had to endure the indignity of a few decades between championships, which is something that no fan of any other team could possibly fathom. Fuck these people.
User avatar
Dthefritz
tl;dr
 
Posts: 7466
Joined: 30 Nov 2006, 01:35
Location: In the green, never in between

Re: Bill Simmons' Popular Mailbag from October 20th, 2017!

Postby BostonSucksMyBalls » 21 Oct 2017, 16:03

D left out my favorite part.

Check out this email from Rez in Sacramento …

“It's October 18 with a full slate of MLB playoff games and another NFL weekend coming, yet it feels like the world is watching the NBA. Boston fans are on suicide watch, Kings fans are screaming the refs screwed them, Giannis is having a statement game, my dad is texting me Thibs is overrated, my girlfriend is arguing Bobby Portis wasn't suspended long enough ... IT'S OCTOBER 18TH!!!! The only people who are supposed to be watching NBA games right now are Zach Lowe and youth groups who scored cheap tickets. No seriously, that's the list. Am I crazy??? This idea of NBA dominance is so delightful my brain won't accept it as possible.”


Rez

another NFL weekend coming, yet it feels like the world is watching the NBA.

On a Wednesday, I don't know how people are going to watch the NFL' upcoming weekend.

Giannis is having a statement game

Against...Boston of course

my dad is texting me Thibs is overrated

That sounds like something that happened.

my girlfriend is arguing Bobby Portis wasn't suspended long enough

Very believable.

This idea of NBA dominance is so delightful my brain won't accept it as possible

Who talks like this?

Very clearly, Bill wrote this email. That was super-sad, Dustin.
PS: I will never like July 27th. It will always be the day Reggie died. I just hate this day. True Celtic fans know what I mean.

"i'm relatively confident her asshole" - Farva
User avatar
BostonSucksMyBalls
Slave to Uber
 
Posts: 31040
Joined: 26 Aug 2005, 09:59

Re: Bill Simmons' Popular Mailbag from October 20th, 2017!

Postby PhillyJim76 » 21 Oct 2017, 17:21

Sounds like something a certain Twitter poof we both know would write
It feels so good to be back.
User avatar
PhillyJim76
Basketball Jesus
 
Posts: 4963
Joined: 24 Aug 2005, 16:06

Re: Bill Simmons' Popular Mailbag from October 20th, 2017!

Postby JichaelDick » 22 Oct 2017, 02:56

Yeah, I didn't quite get the "Manning was lucky from 2012-14 in Denver thing." He was fantastic in 2012, historically good in 2013 (until the Super Bowl, and after he torched New England in the conference chip game), and really good in the first half of 2014 before his body completely fell apart.
TVF wannabe - Mon Jan 30, 2017 1:42 pm: ...a good rule of thumb is if you post some thing like that and IMS quickly jumps in with an uncomfortable reference you went too far
User avatar
JichaelDick
Delightful Nutjob
 
Posts: 26085
Joined: 21 Dec 2005, 13:56
Location: Salivating

Re: Bill Simmons' Popular Mailbag from October 20th, 2017!

Postby Gregs Kite » 22 Oct 2017, 08:10

He must've been so motivated after his wife received her HGH shipments.
Apr 22, 2015 3:49 pm Clayton Bigsby i enjoy sports

Magnum - Thu Aug 17, 2017 3:36 pm: perhaps my reaction was built up greg hatred finally coming through. fuck that guy.

Frank the Tank wrote:If I die I leave my red font to Kite.
User avatar
Gregs Kite
Friend of Friends
 
Posts: 23715
Joined: 20 Jan 2007, 15:59
Location: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Re: Bill Simmons' Popular Mailbag from October 20th, 2017!

Postby JichaelDick » 22 Oct 2017, 08:30

Gregs Kite wrote:He must've been so motivated after his wife received her HGH shipments.


Whatever it takes.
TVF wannabe - Mon Jan 30, 2017 1:42 pm: ...a good rule of thumb is if you post some thing like that and IMS quickly jumps in with an uncomfortable reference you went too far
User avatar
JichaelDick
Delightful Nutjob
 
Posts: 26085
Joined: 21 Dec 2005, 13:56
Location: Salivating

Re: Bill Simmons' Popular Mailbag from October 20th, 2017!

Postby Dthefritz » 22 Oct 2017, 14:31

BostonSucksMyBalls wrote:D left out my favorite part.

Check out this email from Rez in Sacramento …

“It's October 18 with a full slate of MLB playoff games and another NFL weekend coming, yet it feels like the world is watching the NBA. Boston fans are on suicide watch, Kings fans are screaming the refs screwed them, Giannis is having a statement game, my dad is texting me Thibs is overrated, my girlfriend is arguing Bobby Portis wasn't suspended long enough ... IT'S OCTOBER 18TH!!!! The only people who are supposed to be watching NBA games right now are Zach Lowe and youth groups who scored cheap tickets. No seriously, that's the list. Am I crazy??? This idea of NBA dominance is so delightful my brain won't accept it as possible.”


Rez

another NFL weekend coming, yet it feels like the world is watching the NBA.

On a Wednesday, I don't know how people are going to watch the NFL' upcoming weekend.

Giannis is having a statement game

Against...Boston of course

my dad is texting me Thibs is overrated

That sounds like something that happened.

my girlfriend is arguing Bobby Portis wasn't suspended long enough

Very believable.

This idea of NBA dominance is so delightful my brain won't accept it as possible

Who talks like this?

Very clearly, Bill wrote this email. That was super-sad, Dustin.

Ha! Enjoyed this. However, I think we must accept the fact that there are mouthbreathers all across this great land of ours that actually write these things. People have done worse things to be less famous.

JichaelDick wrote:Yeah, I didn't quite get the "Manning was lucky from 2012-14 in Denver thing." He was fantastic in 2012, historically good in 2013 (until the Super Bowl, and after he torched New England in the conference chip game), and really good in the first half of 2014 before his body completely fell apart.

There's nothing to get, except that Boston fans have a bug up their ass about Manning and will never, ever, ever let it go. And of course that their standard tactic is to whine about how lucky all their opponents were.
User avatar
Dthefritz
tl;dr
 
Posts: 7466
Joined: 30 Nov 2006, 01:35
Location: In the green, never in between


Return to Stop Clicking Refresh

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest