NBA Unicorns...

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NBA Unicorns...

Postby Seahawks XL Champs » 21 Dec 2016, 12:41

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Re: NBA Unicorns...

Postby mister bacon » 21 Dec 2016, 13:03

Seahawks XL Champs wrote:https://theringer.com/battle-of-the-nba-unicorns-bdf6c4a7b331#.w8zxfj17b

What in the hell?



NBA fans will remember six things about 2016: Golden State’s quest for 73 wins, LeBron’s Cavs channeling the 2004 Red Sox, The Block, Durant going Hollywood Hogan on Westbrook, every decent free agent suddenly being worth $15 million to $20 million a year even with names like “Ian Mahinmi” and “Allen Crabbe,” and finally, unicorns


this is the worst lede i've ever read on internet. i'm dead serious.
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Re: NBA Unicorns...

Postby chrisco » 21 Dec 2016, 15:02

TWEENER UNICORNS!!!!
BostonSucksMyBalls - Fri Apr 07, 2017 9:03 am: I listen bc ive listened for about 25 years. I need to see this stupid thing thru.
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Re: NBA Unicorns...

Postby BostonSucksMyBalls » 21 Dec 2016, 15:44

I hate to do this, but I enjoyed the column. Looks like we got a coupla haters in here.

I have never watched this Giannis fellow play. I'll have to try to catch a Bucks game on NBA TV sometime.
PS: I will never like July 27th. It will always be the day Reggie died. I just hate this day. True Celtic fans know what I mean.

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Re: NBA Unicorns...

Postby Goose » 21 Dec 2016, 15:46

mister bacon wrote:
Seahawks XL Champs wrote:https://theringer.com/battle-of-the-nba-unicorns-bdf6c4a7b331#.w8zxfj17b

What in the hell?



NBA fans will remember six things about 2016: Golden State’s quest for 73 wins, LeBron’s Cavs channeling the 2004 Red Sox, The Block, Durant going Hollywood Hogan on Westbrook, every decent free agent suddenly being worth $15 million to $20 million a year even with names like “Ian Mahinmi” and “Allen Crabbe,” and finally, unicorns


this is the worst lede i've ever read on internet. i'm dead serious.


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Re: NBA Unicorns...

Postby PhillyJim76 » 21 Dec 2016, 16:03

It's funny to me that after the crushing disaster his TV show was, he goes back to writing his columns. And fuck the term unicorns. That's some early 20 girl saying about herself . Fuck women.
It feels so good to be back.
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Re: NBA Unicorns...

Postby Dthefritz » 22 Dec 2016, 00:13

Jesus. I know a lot of his columns are him taking a bunch of arbitrary, meaningless categories and arguing with himself nonsensically, but even America's foremost sayer of nothing may have never said more nothing than he did here. Holy shitballs.

I'm not even going to address the bullshitiness of the whole unicorn concept. That should be obvious enough. Let's just get to some lowlights.

-
In 1984, Charles Barkley showed up in Philly looking like Ron Jaworski’s new right tackle, when he was really a 6-foot-4 runaway train who pounded the glass like he was using a trampoline.

Ten thousand monkeys with typewriters and an infinite amount of time could not produce a worse description of Chuck than this. Who ever told this man he should write for a living someday?

That’s why we halfheartedly expected Young Kobe to blossom into the Evolutionary MJ...Kobe’s relatively creepy Jordan impersonation opened the door for another MJ someday

What could this shit possibly mean? Who ever told this man he should write for a living someday?

Sorry, Towns, we’re bumping you from the Unicorn Nightclub. I’ve seen you before. You’re the evolutionary Rasheed Wallace.

What.

Now, it feels goofy to compare McHale and the Brow when Davis is admittedly a better athlete. But Davis is the Evolutionary McHale.

What.

“What would have happened if Scottie Pippen would have grown to 6-foot-11 and played point guard?”

Would he also forget how to shoot and or play above average defense?

I never expected Porzingis’s sneaky-good rim protection

You never expected that an athletic dude who was 7-3 and an elite shotblocker from his first minutes on the court could protect the rim?

Magic and Bird were the two best passers I’ve ever seen.

Magic Johnson is the all-time leader in Assists per game. Bird is #44. I guess #'s 2 through 43 were all selfish stat hogs. That or Mr. NBA expert has never seen John Stockton, Isiah Thomas, Jason Kidd, Steve Nash or Chris Paul or any other great point guard ever.

You know what helped both of them, and especially Magic? They could see over everybody...If you have six minutes to kill, watch how easily Magic found cutters around the basket in this passing montage. That could be Giannis someday. We haven’t seen a point guard tower over defenders since Magic.

I guess he managed to forget about LeBron James in the course of one sentence. I know, technically not a PG, but he lumped Bird in here who wasn't either. Also, James is a better passer than Bird. Come @ me.

Night-to-Night YouTube/Meme/GIF/Fake Movie Clip Potential
Allow me to introduce you to my friends “Giannis Antetokounmpo insane Eurostep dunk,”[bunch of other links to his youtube highlights]

Every star player in every sport has a ton of youtube highlights. Don't be fucking dense.

I’d bet on Giannis learning to shoot 3s before I’d bet on Embiid being durable or Porzingis being a great rebounder.

You're a fucking nitwit.

Phil Jackson on Porzingis: “Who? The tall white guy?”

Are you fucking kidding me? There was not a more Phil Jackson move in the world than drafting Kristaps. But I guess with the Celtics having a runaway one game lead in the standings, you have every right to talk shit.

Some context: I created “stocks” in my NBA book to show how ludicrously good Hakeem and David Robinson were. It’s steals per game plus blocks per game.

Some context: Your idea was dumb then and it's dumb now. People are capable of looking at each of these categories separately.

Only Robinson, Hakeem and, strangely, GERALD WALLACE have topped 2.0 blocks and 2.0 steals in the same season

Only a mouthbreather would present some arbitrary statistical cutoff point as including one outlier among great players as something WACKY. Besides, Wallace might not be a household name, but he's exactly the kind of player (6-9, highly athletic) that would have the versatility to be good in both categories. It's way more of an outlier for big men like Robinson and Hakeem to get that many steals.

I nearly used Magic’s 1982 season because he played four positions, threw up a triple-double every night...I just assumed we’d never see anything remotely approaching that version of Young Magic again. And yet … here’s Giannis.

Magic averaged those numbers on a team with like 9 All-Stars and the consensus GOAT at that point in NBA history. Giannis is putting up worse numbers on a team that's currently 13-14.

I compared Giannis to a 6-foot-11 Pippen about 2,000 words ago, but Scottie was the best perimeter defender I’ve ever seen, and Giannis isn’t close yet.

Also he can't shoot. Admit your comparison sucks. Or better yet, hire an editor to tell you to delete your wrongness instead of arguing with yourself.

I love the chip on Giannis’s shoulder more than just about anything else about him. Have you ever seen anyone, in LeBron’s entire career, attack a LeBron team quite like this?

Yes. Many times. I guess, I don't know, Dwight Howard averaging 26/13 on 65% shooting and leading the Magic to an upset over the heavily favored Cavs in the 2009 ECF wasn't an ATTACK like Giannis putting up some numbers in a losing effort in a ultimately meaningless regular season game.

You know who’s really good? Jabari Parker. That’s a potential Pippen to the Freak’s Jordan

Holy shit, Giannis is not fucking Michael Jordan. You have the brainpower of a tick.

OK, let’s say New Orleans offered Davis to Milwaukee for Giannis. What happens? I think the Bucks hang up, have a four-hour meeting, print out the list of every Anthony Davis injury (major or minor) since 2012, then call the Pelicans back and say, “We just can’t.” In other words, we have a new no. 1 spot for my next Trade Value list.

Yup. This guy is the worst. The fucking worst.
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Re: NBA Unicorns...

Postby TheWolf » 22 Dec 2016, 08:48

I didn't read the column, but based on the breakdown it seems like it was an evolutionary pile of monkey shit.
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Re: NBA Unicorns...

Postby MisterTambourineMan » 22 Dec 2016, 09:31

Dthefritz wrote:
OK, let’s say New Orleans offered Davis to Milwaukee for Giannis. What happens? I think the Bucks hang up, have a four-hour meeting, print out the list of every Anthony Davis injury (major or minor) since 2012, then call the Pelicans back and say, “We just can’t.” In other words, we have a new no. 1 spot for my next Trade Value list.

Yup. This guy is the worst. The fucking worst.


The fucking worst. I love the Freak and this fucking guy made me hate him for a solid 20 minutes.
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Re: NBA Unicorns...

Postby BostonSucksMyBalls » 22 Dec 2016, 09:55

BostonSucksMyBalls wrote:I hate to do this, but I enjoyed the column. Looks like we got a coupla haters in here.

I have never watched this Giannis fellow play. I'll have to try to catch a Bucks game on NBA TV sometime.


I watched some of the Bucks/Cavs game last night. Halfheartedly watched. I didnt see Giannis do anything. Might just be more hyperbole from The P*nis.
PS: I will never like July 27th. It will always be the day Reggie died. I just hate this day. True Celtic fans know what I mean.

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Re: NBA Unicorns...

Postby MisterTambourineMan » 22 Dec 2016, 10:19

BostonSucksMyBalls wrote:
BostonSucksMyBalls wrote:I hate to do this, but I enjoyed the column. Looks like we got a coupla haters in here.

I have never watched this Giannis fellow play. I'll have to try to catch a Bucks game on NBA TV sometime.


I watched some of the Bucks/Cavs game last night. Halfheartedly watched. I didnt see Giannis do anything. Might just be more hyperbole from The P*nis.



Won't let me embed but...
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Re: NBA Unicorns...

Postby BostonSucksMyBalls » 22 Dec 2016, 10:39

MisterTambourineMan wrote:
BostonSucksMyBalls wrote:
BostonSucksMyBalls wrote:I hate to do this, but I enjoyed the column. Looks like we got a coupla haters in here.

I have never watched this Giannis fellow play. I'll have to try to catch a Bucks game on NBA TV sometime.


I watched some of the Bucks/Cavs game last night. Halfheartedly watched. I didnt see Giannis do anything. Might just be more hyperbole from The P*nis.



Won't let me embed but...


I mean. I guess. I am going to evaluate further.
PS: I will never like July 27th. It will always be the day Reggie died. I just hate this day. True Celtic fans know what I mean.

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Re: NBA Unicorns...

Postby mj3528 » 22 Dec 2016, 10:39

MisterTambourineMan wrote:
Dthefritz wrote:
OK, let’s say New Orleans offered Davis to Milwaukee for Giannis. What happens? I think the Bucks hang up, have a four-hour meeting, print out the list of every Anthony Davis injury (major or minor) since 2012, then call the Pelicans back and say, “We just can’t.” In other words, we have a new no. 1 spot for my next Trade Value list.

Yup. This guy is the worst. The fucking worst.


The fucking worst. I love the Freak and this fucking guy made me hate him for a solid 20 minutes.


Remember when The Fabulous Sports Babe was on ESPN radio. Admit it at first, you enjoyed her show, listened to it. Then you realized it was dumb and nothing was original, and it just wasn't very good. She was banished to local radio. Simmons is in that stage of his career.
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Re: NBA Unicorns...

Postby TheWolf » 22 Dec 2016, 15:07

mj3528 wrote:
MisterTambourineMan wrote:
Dthefritz wrote:
OK, let’s say New Orleans offered Davis to Milwaukee for Giannis. What happens? I think the Bucks hang up, have a four-hour meeting, print out the list of every Anthony Davis injury (major or minor) since 2012, then call the Pelicans back and say, “We just can’t.” In other words, we have a new no. 1 spot for my next Trade Value list.

Yup. This guy is the worst. The fucking worst.


The fucking worst. I love the Freak and this fucking guy made me hate him for a solid 20 minutes.


Remember when The Fabulous Sports Babe was on ESPN radio. Admit it at first, you enjoyed her show, listened to it. Then you realized it was dumb and nothing was original, and it just wasn't very good. She was banished to local radio. Simmons is in that stage of his career.


No, I don't remember that at all.
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Re: NBA Unicorns...

Postby Dthefritz » 22 Dec 2016, 17:52

MisterTambourineMan wrote:
Dthefritz wrote:
OK, let’s say New Orleans offered Davis to Milwaukee for Giannis. What happens? I think the Bucks hang up, have a four-hour meeting, print out the list of every Anthony Davis injury (major or minor) since 2012, then call the Pelicans back and say, “We just can’t.” In other words, we have a new no. 1 spot for my next Trade Value list.

Yup. This guy is the worst. The fucking worst.


The fucking worst. I love the Freak and this fucking guy made me hate him for a solid 20 minutes.

If he had written anything last season, he would have made people hate Towns. Frankly, there's still time.

Then again the wolves would trade towns for Giannis in a second, amirite?
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