I will be ignoring the generally non-moronic things that Kevin O'Connor said.
Bill Simmons: Miami is a team that I am very proud of myself. I did the over-under podcast with [Joe] House and I picked the over for Miami and said they were going to be a sleeper, but then if you listen later on in the podcast I admitted that I was reverse-jinxing them, and it worked because they are terrible.
Must be nice to be able to reverse your opinions retroactively with this whole "reverse jinx" thingy. I will have to try this out in real life. I wasn't sexually harrassing my co-worker, I just grabbed her tits from behind, spun her around and pushed her against the wall as a reverse jinx. I didn't really mean it!
24. Washington Wizards
B.S.: They’re going to have to come to grips with whether they want to trade John Wall or not. If I’m running Washington I would trade John Wall right now. I would just move him for picks and do a complete tankapalooza and try to rebuild.
While this isn't crazy wrong or anything, I think this is pretty clearly motivated by his desire as an NBA fan to see John Wall on a contender, rather than trying to put on his GM hat and think of what's best for the franchise. They just gave Beal a zillion dollars and would probably have a hard time trading him, so it's not really the most realistic option.
B.S.: [DeMarcus Cousins] is not going to stay. The team’s a mess. They’re going to go in the lottery again, and he’s going to become increasingly more unhappy. Just trade him. Trade him now. You’re not re-signing him.
He's not a free agent till 2018. But Bill demands him on the Celtics now! However else will they quench their nearly decade-long title drought???
16. Portland Trail Blazers
B.S.: Unfortunately, they’re going to have to think about trading [C.J.] McCollum. For a lot of reasons. He has the most value [because] they can’t trade [Damian] Lillard, [but] I’m not positive you can win a title if those are your two guards. They’re just terrible defensively.
MIGHT THERE BE A TEAM IN THE ASSOCIATION WITH MULTIPLE GOOD DEFENSIVE GUARDS TO TRADE FOR HIM????????????
15. New York Knicks
B.S.: If I’m coaching the Knicks, if I’m running the Knicks, all I care about is [Kristaps] Porzingis. I’m not winning the title this year. All I want is for Porzingis to be in the same position that Giannis [Antetokounmpo] is in in Milwaukee. You want to get this guy reps.
So you're saying if you coach a team that you don't like and plays in the same division as your favorite team, your first priority wouldn't be winning? Color me astounded.
12. Charlotte Hornets
B.S.: Listen, I was on the bandwagon for a while, but in the modern NBA, with everybody jacking 3s, it’s hard to win with a guy who can’t shoot. [Cody] Zeller’s been surprising. [Frank] Kaminsky’s been sneaky. But, you know, it’s certainly not a threatening team.
How could this team have disappointing? They have not one but TWO white guys who don't completely suck all the time!
6. Boston Celtics
B.S.: Really hard to judge them when [Al] Horford and [Jae] Crowder haven’t played enough games yet. They also had a tougher schedule than I think people realize.
Every other team in the league: They lost two games in a row, so they better trade all their good players and tank.
Bill's favorite team: TRUST THE PRAWCESS!!!!
5. Toronto Raptors
B.S.: The [DeMar] DeRozan thing sort of threw everybody off. He was just on fire for three weeks. That’s not who they’re eventually going to be so it’s hard to talk about them.
Yeah, how dare they actually play better than the Celtics in the beginning of the year! It's Satanic and unholy for a guy who's averaged 20+ ppg for the last three seasons to score a bunch of points, and they will atone for upsetting the natural order of things.
4. Los Angeles Clippers
B.S.: The Clippers started off great, looked awesome. Now they’re fading. Now guys are griping that they’ve lost the eye of the tiger. They lost a terrible game in Brooklyn.
They lost a regular season game against a bad team. They shouldn't even bother tanking, they may as well fold the franchise.
B.S.: I had Cleveland [at] one, you had Golden State [at] one. Cleveland got their asses kicked last night at Milwaukee, so I think you won that one. I think Golden State is the no. 1 [team]. And yet, in the Finals, I don’t know, I think I would still pick Cleveland.
So I guess if you won a title recently, or are the Boston Cletics, it's ok to lose a game every now and then. Good to know.