The Tim Duncan Question-5/5/2015

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The Tim Duncan Question-5/5/2015

Postby JichaelDick » 05 May 2015, 11:19

TVF wannabe - Mon Jan 30, 2017 1:42 pm: ...a good rule of thumb is if you post some thing like that and IMS quickly jumps in with an uncomfortable reference you went too far
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Re: The Tim Duncan Question-5/5/2015

Postby BostonSucksMyBalls » 05 May 2015, 11:32

Of the 14 greatest NBA players ever — Jordan, then Russell, then Kareem, then Bird and Magic and Duncan and LeBron, then Wilt and Kobe, then West and Oscar, then Hakeem and Shaq and Moses

He has Kobe after LeBron. Thank you for reading SOTSG, Bill.

I wish he would say "Of my 14 greatest NBA players ever" though. Self-absorbed jackass.
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Re: The Tim Duncan Question-5/5/2015

Postby Seahawks XL Champs » 05 May 2015, 16:00

BostonSucksMyBalls wrote:
Of the 14 greatest NBA players ever — Jordan, then Russell, then Kareem, then Bird and Magic and Duncan and LeBron, then Wilt and Kobe, then West and Oscar, then Hakeem and Shaq and Moses

He has Kobe after LeBron. Thank you for reading SOTSG, Bill.

I wish he would say "Of my 14 greatest NBA players ever" though. Self-absorbed jackass.

Yep. And while it appears to be "tiers" because of his commas, he makes sure and mentions Bird before Magic, even though magic is listed higher in hit book, and neither of them has played a game since it was published.
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Re: The Tim Duncan Question-5/5/2015

Postby Dthefritz » 06 May 2015, 00:17

“You always want to get out a year early, not one or two years too late,” my dad always explained.

Always start a column with a boring personal anecdote. That's what bill Belichick would do

And if that’s true … what do we do about Tim Duncan?

Because "we" clearly have a say in his decision to come back or not.

Maybe Saturday’s Clippers defeat wasn’t as gut-wrenching as San Antonio’s improbable 2013 Finals collapse, but Duncan’s murky future gave Game 7 a different kind of desperation.

Except for the fact that there was just as much talk of it being Duncan's last season then. But that would dampen bill's insatiable drive to label what just happened as crazy and unique.

missed blocking Chris Paul’s last-second, double-clutch, series-winning banker by the length of maybe two knuckles.

Ten years ago, he absolutely would have blocked that shot.

Five years ago, he probably would have blocked it.

I'm pretty sure that people were occasionally able to sneak layups by Tim Duncan even in his prime. After all, unlike bill, he's not god.

So only the great Bill Russell definitely got out early.

I agree. he left Boston, swearing never to return because of the horrible racism he experienced, at just the right time.

Leave knowing that, by any calculation, you were one of the best two-way players ever and one of the most beloved teammates ever.

How do you calculate how good a teammate is?

That’s why we feel badly when we don’t get it done for him. Eighteen years and they’re still saying this about Timmaaay???

Laughable. Even if a team didn't genuinely want to win a title for an aging star, they sure as hell wouldn't admit it publicly. It would have been great during the Knicks '99 run if Latrell Spreewell had said "Patrick Ewing can eat a dick, man, I win for MYSELF," but that is not how things work.

Before he decides, I really hope he watches the last 12 minutes and 10 seconds of Game 7 again. Maybe it will get his juices flowing. Here’s a retro diary to help fill in the blanks.

Oh fuuuuuuuuuck you. I'm sure Timmy will consult your account of a game he played in before making a decision.

Have we peaked with bitching at referees? I think we’ve peaked.

You mean because Duncan may retire, and his bitchiness will be hard to replace?

Even if an Achilles strain hampered Parker, isn’t that the problem with aging point guards? It’s always something, right? With 1,008 regular-season games and 203 playoff games behind him, how is this situation getting better? Or could you blame San Antonio’s grueling 2012-14 run

True - but no mention of Chris Paul playing excellent D on him for some reason.

One time in the fourth quarter, Paul pushed it too far, instinctively pulled up and grabbed the back of his leg, fought it off and kept hopping around. You could see him shifting into De Niro/Midnight Run mode

If you're a fucking clod who's still apparently upset that a 30 year old slightly better version of Rush Hour didn't win an oscar, then sadly, that is exactly what you saw. Really, what other movie has a protagonist overcoming adversity to achieve a difficult goal?

These guys happen to be otherworldly athletes; that’s why we watch. They make our dreams come true.

LOL what? I don't know about you, but my DREAM would be to be a great athlete myself. My more realistic desire is to watch great players compete at a high level and have my teams win.

And here was the best thing about it: Everyone has to shut the heck up now. Shelve the “never made the conference finals” argument. Shelve the “never came up huge when it mattered” hot take.

Nice try pretending you weren't one of those people, asshole. Seriously, listen to the Haralabob podcast after Game 5. He basically morphed into Mark Schlereth. This nucleus will never win! They've already been together 4 years without a title, why bother bringing them back?

Last point: After seeing how badly CP3 wanted Saturday’s game, it was fascinating to watch how badly Floyd and Manny didn’t want their fight.

Fascinating. A great game was followed by a shitty fight as everyone else pointed out on twitter as it was happening. Glad you're here.

I didn’t love Kawhi’s last two games — no-showed Game 6, never went full Sharktopus in Game 7. Does he trust his own talent yet?

No, he was only the Finals MVP last year, he is clearly just like that character in that one 1980's teen movie who was too shy to ask his crush to the dance.

Couldn’t he have beaten any Clipper off the dribble whenever he wanted?

He's never been a player who could just take the ball one on one and score consistently. He's great at moving without the ball, can hit shots coming off screens or tough layups off cuts, and he can post up smaller guys. He's not Steph Curry.

Why did it seem like he wasn’t ready to be The Guy?

Because he doesn't have the skillset to be the #1 option on offense, and nothing in his NBA career suggests that he does? He was 5th on the Spurs in FGA/game last year.

That series stuck him one notch below the league’s best — LeBron, Curry, Harden, Westbrook, Durant, Griffin and Paul —

No, his whole fucking career stuck him one notch below those guys. Yes, he won a Finals MVP. But Popovich, as quoted in this very article, basically said that Duncan was still the most important player on the team. Parker won a Finals MVP too, but that didn't mean he was better than Tim or even Manu. I don't know where you got the idea that Kawhi was a top 10 player or anything, but it's wrong and pulled entirely out of your ass, so stop treating it like a standard topic of debate.

because none of those seven guys would have just one signature A-game in a truly special seven-game series.

James Harden might disagree!

On the bright side, of everyone I just mentioned, only LeBron and Kawhi have Finals MVPs. I don’t have a feel for this one yet. To be continued.

Holy shit, it's like he's seriously arguing the "Robert Horry is better than Karl Malone" strawman that people like me use to ridicule the "It's all bout ringzz!!1!" talking point.

More back-and-forth action crests with CP3 hitting a jumper, Duncan abusing DeAndre on the low post (he’s officially in Game 6 2013 Finals Jedi mode), then Blake pulling off a reverse layup for a three-point play (“hrrrrrrr-HAHHHHHHHH”)

Nice sound effect, I feel like I'm actually there.

Kawhi short-arms a jumper but grabs the rebound, leading to another Manu 3. (If this was Manu’s final game, let the record show that his last two baskets were made 3s.)

Yeah he hit a couple of big 3's, but I feel like Manu had a pretty bad game overall. He'll still hit pressure shots and make good passes, but his defense is completely shot at this point, and he seems prone to costly turnovers. Especially when defenses swarm him like a SHARKTOPUS.

So yeah, Jamal might have stunk in Round 1 — 11.7 points, 38 percent shooting, 20 percent from 3 and a ghastly 8.86 PER. But those nine no-CP3 points were nine of the biggest points of his career. The Clips don’t win Game 7 without them.

It's almost he's like an inconsistent player who you live with because he hits clutch shots.

Can you really give DeAndre Jordan a $120 million, five-year extension when he’s become such a free throw liability that he’s headed for a Game 7 crunch-time benching?

Yes, because he's a top 5 rim protector/rebounder, and he's young enough that he won't slow down anytime soon. You think someone who smugly taunts Mark Cuban about not re-signing Tyson Chandler (who was 30 and had serious durability concerns in 2011) would understand this.

Not protecting a big defensive rebound against Chris Paul — that’s like not moving the leftover pork chops far enough away from the counter if you have a dog.

That is exactly what it is like. In fact, I would be surprised if a single NBA fan still refers to him as "Chris Paul" or "CP3", and did not immediately began calling him "Pork Chop Dog" after this column.

Kawhi barely misses another runner in traffic (partly because of splendid defense by Griffin), followed by J.J. Redick finally arriving for Game 7 by nailing a monster 3. (Welcome to the game, J.J.!)

It's almost like Redick killed the Spurs in Game 6 and Pop designed a gameplan to prevent him from getting into a rhythm at all costs.

And the subtweet conversation of this epic run … no DeAndre!

Subtweet. Epic. Glad he found time to write this column after getting burnt between third and fourth period and drinking Mountain Dew.

Doc willingly sacrificed rim protection and defensive rebounding to spread the floor and avoid the Seventh Circle of Hell (a.k.a. Game 7 Crunch-Time Hack-A-DJ). Say what you want about Doc, but this decision took a set of watermelon-size balls. I loved it.

I love how he's presenting it as if Doc's coaching abilities are subject to some great controversy. He's almost universally considered a great coach. He just happened to call you a fucking idiot on live TV and in the universe-which-revolves-around-bill, that makes him a figure of great controversy .

Danny Green fouls a driving/careering/fearless Blake and Griffin drains both.

Careering. Editor in Chief over here! STET ALL CHANGES!!!

He’d finish with a 24-13-10, including 10 of 11 from the charity stripe, in what can only be described as “A Full Realization Of Everything I Ever Wanted From Blake Griffin.”

Oh yeah, it can ONLY be described in terms of what YOU PERSONALLY wanted to see out of him. What an asshole.

don’t overreact to hard fouls, don’t react to every call like someone is towing your car, keep your head down, keep pounding the basket and play your heart out.

This is the same guy who mocks the inanity of sideline interviews, and "wired" segments from coaches. BLAKE JUST WENT OUT THERE AND LEFT ALL ON THE FLOOR!

How many times was Blake gasping for air on the bench like he’d just finished a triathlon?

An athlete was tired from exerting himself just like an athlete in a different sport was tired from exerting himself. What powers of analogy this man possesses.

Great power forwards aren’t that complicated — once they hit their playoff peaks, they start going for 24 and 12 every night and that’s just how it goes.

Bill's arbitrary blanket statements aren't that complicated. Once his feeble brain grasps an idea without fully thinking it through, he benchmarks it to some randomly chosen numbers, screams WHO SAYS NO, and casually throws it into a column as if it were some scientific truth that has been accepted by everyone.

And throwing out the stats, Blake justwanted it in that Game 7.

A great insight, except for the fact that as many people including you have pointed out, Griffin is one of the most intense competitors night-to-night in the NBA, and has been since he stepped into the league. His desire has never been the problem, it's been fine-tuning his skill set, his understanding of the game and improving on defense. And might I add, he has shown WAY more progress in these fronts than Amare, to whom he is so often compared.

Lost in the celebration of Paul’s game-winning shot was a frightening image: Griffin watching the play unfold, taking off from the foul line and launching toward the basket for what would have unquestionably been the greatest and most memorable follow-up dunk of all time … only the shot went in and Griffin’s lower half collided with Manu Ginobili …

See this is the type of thing you should mention in running diaries. I definitely missed this as it happened, only to see the camera cut to Blake getting up very tentatively while his teammates celebrated.

Maybe it IS time for Duncan to get out. Like winter in Game of Thrones, Blake Griffin is coming. (And Anthony Davis, too.)

Just like how the most competitive, tough, winnery winning winner of all time Bill Russell was so fucking terrified of young Kareem that he ran the hell away from the league (This is what Simmonstologists actually believe. As well as the fact that Wilt, who actually stuck around and battled Kareem a few times, was a pussy un-clutch loser who didn't want it enough and shrank from the moment).

Just a stupefyingly competitive sequence that doubles as DeAndre’s best case for a $120 million extension, even before Duncan misses the free throw, Diaw grabs the rebound (PAY DEANDRE!!!!!)

Wait, I thought we agreed that DeAndre's free throw shooting makes him unpayable?

Rebound, Kawhi. Putback, Kawhi. Possible Leap brewing?

Um, the thing that Kawhi would need to make a "Leap" doing is becoming a guy who can score off the dribble, or maybe with a Melo/Pierce type jabstep game. Scoring off an offensive rebound is exactly the kind of hustle play that he excels at already, so...THE LEAP? WHO SAYS NO???

Our third Coulda Woulda Shoulda play starts with CP3 missing a jump shot short, then Parker bolting on a fast break with only Redick back. Parker pulls up for a split second … but it’s a ploy! Stutter step! Now he’s challenging Redick (and why not???) with the patented Parker 5-foot floater … only it doesn’t fall!

How did that not go in?

How the hell did that not go in???

Jesus, guys miss floaters all the time, even good players like Parker, calm down.

Not since Robert Horry’s heyday has such a statistically shaky, up-and-down, pseudo-journeyman doubled as such a valuable you-can-go-to-war-with-him playoff guy.

Pseudo-journeyman? Both Barnes and Horry played for a bunch of teams. They are actual journeymen. The fact that they came up big in a bunch of playoff series doesn't change that. Barnes is a gamer though, dude deserves credit.

Of anyone who’s ever been married to a real-life reality show character, Barnes is the one you’d want in a do-or-die basketball game

I'm sure the many purportedly female readers who write Bill e-mails about how they want to have sex with him are very glad he included this aside.

Green, 2014 playoffs: 49.1% FG, 48% 3FG, 4.4 3FGA, 16.5 PER

Green, 2015 playoffs: 34.4% FG, 30% 3FG, 5.7 3FGA, 10.4 PER

(The only Spurs who played as well in the 2015 playoffs as they did in the 2014 playoffs: Duncan and Mills. Who woulda thunk?)

Yeah, who woulda thunk that 37 year old Ginobili, injured Parker, and a bunch of largely average role players would not exactly replicate their success from one small sample size to another small sample size? Name me five people who would have thought this possible. You can't.

Crawford beats Parker with a beautiful running one-hander off a Griffin handoff. Monster shot.

Aren't you so glad you spent all season taking out-of-nowhere potshots at Crawford? I am.

In the last three second halves of this series, Kawhi shot 3-for-23 and made only one shot that wasn’t a layup. That’s why, in Monday’s end-of-season press conference, Pop broke down Kawhi’s development as a future franchise guy by saying, “It’s a matter of understanding that it will be expected night after night after night.”

But noted basketball analyst Bill Simmons insisted that Kawhi would be scoring 25 ppg within a couple of seasons, just like Giannis. Really no reason to be worried in light of that.

And it’s probably coming. But the Spurs desperately needed Kawhi to kick ass in Game 82, Game 88 and/or Game 89; he wasn’t one of the three best players in this series.

Really surprising considering that nobody in the fucking world thinks he's a better player than Duncan, Paul or Griffin.

I blame myself for throwing the Apex Scottie comparisons around.

Yes, those were premature, but not nearly as idiotic as the idea that he has hidden reservoirs of ability to ISO-score at will, but somehow chose not to exercise them in an elimination game because he "doesn't trust his talents".

Go figure — Team Whine & Cheese got the shakiest big call of Round 1.

They got that call because they were at home, not because they were rewarded for whining. The Spurs are equally guilty of that, but they were on the road for game 7 because they didn't win enough games in the regular season. Tough shit, you frontrunning asshole who is trying to make us feel sorry for him because he was bandwagoning for the 5 time champions.

In the moment, I found myself rooting for him like he was a Boston guy.


Only Duncan regrouped his 39-year-old one-legged body and freaking drained both of them. The Undertaker lives.

He does live. As a persona in wrestling who has fucking nothing whatsoever to do with Tim Duncan other than the fact that they've both been around for a really long time.

I’m pretty sure nobody gave a “Great Players Figure Out How To Get Shit Done” talk at the 2015 Sloan Conference. Sometimes it’s not about numbers.

Man, that is just about the most moronic, unprovoked, stats-bashing hot take I've ever heard. Dusty Baker is bowing down to this paragraph as we speak.

I don’t see how the same guy who made THOSE free throws can retire.

Because the game of basketball involve more than just making free throws in big moments, you dolt. If it didn't, then Steve Nash would still be playing. Hell, Reggie Miller would still be playing.

NBA big men and wrestlers age the same way — they get stiff and lose their balance.

Man, this guy is unbelievable at shoehorning two completely random things together in the same blanket statement. You know who had a tough go of it in the 20th century? The Catholic Church and endangered squids.

It was also Coulda Woulda Shoulda No. 7 … because how the freaking hell did that shot go in??? I can’t even come up with another smaller player, in NBA history, who could have made that double-clutch angle with those two guys hounding him. Kyrie??? Maybe. Kevin Johnson? Maybe

Or Allen Iverson, or younger Tony Parker or Isiah Thomas, or many, many other players given a little luck. Look it was a great shot by a great player, but let's cool the hyperbole a bit.

And that seven-game series/battle/war/life experience brought that whole team closer together.

"Life experience." What a vapid LA douche.

Like always, the Spurs put over another up-and-coming contender like a longtime wrestling champion would...It’s so true — they did it for Dirk’s Mavericks, Nash’s Suns, Z-Bo’s Grizzlies, Durant’s Thunder, LeBron’s Heat, and now, CP3’s Clippers.

But wait, wasn't it the 2012 Celtics who enabled LeBron to win titles, when they magically transforming him from a loser choke artist by trash talking him into developing a new inner strength? I knew this like I knew the sky is blue and the grass is green. I'm starting to have doubts about everything.

Adds Vince, “That series was like a 35-minute WWE classic.

It was fucking nothing at all like that. Vince should be kneecapped with golf clubs.

And thanks to the NBA’s primitive playoff setup and San Antonio’s uncharacteristic Game 82 stumble in New Orleans, two of the NBA’s four best teams ended up clashing in Round 1. Total fluke.

What kind of cavemen came up with such a terrible system? Clearly it would have been better if we watched New Orleans, Phoenix, Brooklyn and Detroit play a bunch of terrible games while the Clippers and Spurs sat on their hands for two weeks.

The night ended with the Spurs partying in Los Angeles, because why not?

Who could pass up the chance to hang with hip LA celebrities like Bill Simmons?

They’re the unofficial champs even when they’re not the champs.

See, I'm sure if Billy barged his way into the VIP section where the Spurs were sitting and shouted that they're the unofficial champs, they would have forgotten all their troubles on the spot.

Of course, TMZ’s cameras were following them.

Way to shame the paparazzi for delving into shallow garbage. That you chose also to write about.

So … should Duncan retire? If it feels like a sports movie moment, that’s because it’s basically the plot in For Love of the Game, everyone’s favorite baseball movie that’s locked in the basement of a reprehensible romance drama.

Translation - I saw this movie on cable a few weeks ago, therefore it is a legitimate cultural reference for all people.

Like everyone else

If I saw this movie at all, thought it was boring and shitty, and promptly forgot about it?

I devour the baseball scenes and hate-watch the Kelly Preston scenes. I love watching Billy Chapel (Costner) go for the perfect game while muttering to himself like a lunatic.

I mean, how else am I supposed to get my baseball fix when the Red Sox aren't in first place?

I love the “I love you, Mickey Hart!” scene.

Such a powerful scene, that it doesn't need to be placed in context. Who doesn't remember that scene vividly?

I love Vin Scully.

Not enough to watch games of the team that he announces and plays where I live, but enough to reference a shitty movie he was in 15 years ago.

I love Costner’s buddy on the other team who sold out and joined the Yankees.

Manny Ramirez, on the other hand, joined the Red Sox because he loves clam chowder and has some buddies who work for State Street. The $20 million/year was just icing on the cake.

I love watching John C. Reilly pretending to be a catcher.

A classic baseball movie where the guys are bad at pretending to be baseball players. Sounds legit.

I love Vern Schillinger Whiplash Simmons as Costner’s manager.

It's funny because that's the same actor who was in those other things!!!

And in the best scene of the movie, he fights off the tears in the dugout, scribbles something on a baseball and sends it up to the team’s president with the game still unfolding.

“Tell them I’m through — For love of the game, Billy Chapel.”


I just know that he’s one of the best basketball players I have ever seen. I hope he comes back. And I hope he doesn’t come back.

I just hope Bill takes his own advice, and leaves the sportswriting profession before his work becomes forced, shoddily-written and full of underdeveloped ideas. I hope that he has the sense to walk away before he enters an untenable no-man's land where he's not as clever or insightful as a new generation of snarky bloggers, so he awkwardly tries to manufacture gravitas in a pathetic and doomed attempt to be taken seriously by the old-school sportswriting establishment whose approval he still craves. I'd hate to see something like that happen.
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Re: The Tim Duncan Question-5/5/2015

Postby theken » 06 May 2015, 05:06

Hahahahaha. Good job DTF.

I read the first part of that shit Simba article; noticed it was a running diary, skipped it; and waited for the breakdown. A much better decision than wading through Billy's retroactive hyperbole.
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Re: The Tim Duncan Question-5/5/2015

Postby Gregs Kite » 06 May 2015, 06:56

I laughed at the vapid LA douche line. Life experiences. Nice.

Great job, as always.
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Re: The Tim Duncan Question-5/5/2015

Postby Jew Jitsu » 11 May 2015, 14:46

Duncan got divorced recently plus he sued someone for fucking him over on some investments, this dude got no choice but to keep playing since he got taken to the cleaners on both fronts.
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Re: The Tim Duncan Question-5/5/2015

Postby Dthefritz » 11 May 2015, 19:40

Jew Jitsu wrote:Duncan got divorced recently plus he sued someone for fucking him over on some investments, this dude got no choice but to keep playing since he got taken to the cleaners on both fronts.

You would think Mr. US weekly woulda been all over that one. A rare miss.
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