DThe's Revenge: Trade Value Column III, 3/17/15

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DThe's Revenge: Trade Value Column III, 3/17/15

Postby JichaelDick » 17 Mar 2015, 13:54

TVF wannabe - Mon Jan 30, 2017 1:42 pm: ...a good rule of thumb is if you post some thing like that and IMS quickly jumps in with an uncomfortable reference you went too far
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Re: DThe's Revenge: Trade Value Column III, 3/17/15

Postby RUSF18 » 17 Mar 2015, 15:50

Look, it’s hard to stand out on the 2014-15 Los Angeles Bitchers

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Re: DThe's Revenge: Trade Value Column III, 3/17/15

Postby nova » 17 Mar 2015, 18:29

Holy shit, this was a terrible article.
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Re: DThe's Revenge: Trade Value Column III, 3/17/15

Postby Jew Jitsu » 17 Mar 2015, 19:24

Lebron is the same age as Mandy Moore? Who knew!?
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Re: DThe's Revenge: Trade Value Column III, 3/17/15

Postby Theny » 17 Mar 2015, 20:19

I think we're all getting really carried away with Anthony Davis. Simmons doesn't even mention how he's hurt evry 3 weeks.
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Re: DThe's Revenge: Trade Value Column III, 3/17/15

Postby Dthefritz » 18 Mar 2015, 01:07

Please add “Oladipo over Bennett and Noel” to my all-time NBA draft win tally, along with “Durant over Oden,” “CP3 over Bogut and Williams,” “Derrick Williams over Kyrie,” “Okafor over Dwight” and “Jabari over Wiggins.” (Fine, I’m batting .500. Whatever.)

I guess I should give him some credit for being self aware, but re:oladipo, it's early to give up on Noel and virtually no one considered Bennett a better prospect.  Hence all the shock when he was picked first, so no real reason for him to act smug.  I AND I ALONE THOUGHT THE GASOL TRADE WOULD BE GOOD FOR THE LAKERS LISTEN TO ME I KNOW EVERYTHING.

If you gave me a do-over, I’d stick Matthews on the Trade Value DL, move Oladipo into this group and give Oladipo’s old spot to Michael Kidd-Gilchrist. Why? Because MKG is destroying people on defense, to the point that he boasted, “I want to be the best defender ever” last week — and nobody laughed.

So either you screwed up by not putting Tony Allen or Bruce bowen on the list before or you're just trying to confuse everyone into thinking you're smart by making a counterintuitive pick.

I didn’t have the balls to throw Gobert in the low 20s with Giannis and Wiggins.

So what caused you to put Giannis on the list up there: balls or deep stupidity?

“I will bet you $100 that Whiteside will either make the 2016 All-Star Game OR be out of the league before the 2016 All-Star Game, and you can pick only one of the two sides of that bet,” which side would you pick? I can’t decide, either.

Google shares will either go to eleventy billion or zero.  Are you not impressed with the hotness of my TAEK?

We need to find the right teammates for Drummond soon.

Fuck, not every player you like is in dire and immediate need of being on a contender.  He's been in the league like 3 years and he's playing with a coach who helped develope Dwight Howard into an MVP caliber player.  Calm your titties, man.

I blew it with Wiggins. He’s a top-12 trade asset. (Stop looking at me like that.) I don’t know what else to say. (Seriously, stop shaking your head.) We’re moving on. We’re moving forward.

Still not nearly as big a mistake as putting Giannis there.

I’m not rattled by having Lowry too high after his January-February offensive swoon. He’s too good.

I am so patient and wise, don't you think?

Kawhi’s electrifying two-way showdown with LeBron on Thursday made me wonder if I ranked him too low, but man, when are those 3s coming back for him? How bad is that mysterious hand injury? This isn’t a normal trend for 3-point shooters: 37.6 percent (2012-14 regular season), 41.6 percent (2012-14 playoffs) … 32.2 percent (2014-15 season).

A young player with a hand injury having an off shooting year.  THIS IS NOT NORMAL, CALL THE WITCH DOCTOR STAT.

San Antonio can’t win four straight playoff rounds and realize their ’69 Celts destiny if Kawhi’s 3s don’t come around and defenses start leaving him wide open. It’s true.

Sure other aging teams have won titles, most recently the 11 Mavs, but did they do so in the most important city in the world?

No regrets. Although it’s bizarre that Aldridge (23.3 ppg, 10.5 rpg, 22.3 PER, playing hurt for two-plus months, carrying a possible no. 2 seed) has been left out of the MVP race. It’s almost like the national media ignores Portland or something.

It's almost like his candidacy is hurt by having another comparable star player on his team, whereas Curry doesn't and Westbrook/Hardens star teammates have missed significant time.

9. Boogie Cousins
In Part 2, I mentioned the smartest non-trades in recent NBA history — including the time Houston dangled Hakeem Olajuwon for a Godfather offer (Steve Smith, Glen Rice AND Rony Seikaly), got turned down

If it got turned down, then it was not a Godfather offer. 

Also, while one of simmons' less stupid recurring bits, it's still stupid.  What makes the line "offer you can't refuse" so cool is the ominous subtext that the offer in fact is not too good to pass up on its own, but is being forced on you by people who consider murder a routine negotiating tactic.  Therefore, by taking it literally, you miss the entire fucking point.

For the previous five seasons, an increasingly unhappy Hakeem had been stuck playing with so many past-their-primers, never-made-its and never-got-theres that everyone inadvertently forgot that the Dream was unfreakingtradable.16 Had the Heat countered with Rice (a top-15 trade asset that summer), Seikaly (averaged 16 and 12 in ’92) and either Miner or multiple no. 1 picks, then the deal would have gotten done and we would’ve had a different champ in 1994 and 1995. Instead, Houston won the ’94 and ’95 titles

Hold this thought.

Boogie, last two seasons (123 games): 33.0 mpg, 23.1 ppg, 12.0 rpg, 48% FG, 25.5 PER
Duncan, ’01-’02 and ’02-’03 (163 games): 39.9 mpg, 24.4 ppg, 12.8 rpg, 51% FG, 27.0 PER

Maybe he isn’t Apex Duncan, especially in the defense/teammate/leadership/intangibles/getting-thrown-out-of-games-for-wonky-behavior categories

Then why did you compare the two of them?

but Boogie HAS improved.

And there was no way to make that point without a comparison that was so misleading I immediately had to walk it back!

And with the spacing that Boogie creates and the numbers he’s putting up, you could absolutely run a world-class offense around him. Only you can’t … because he’s wasting his pre-prime playing for Jackass Central

His "pre-prime" is being wasted!  The horror! Adam Silver clearly needs to intervene for the good of the league!

You better keep showering Boogie with love. Because the moment he checks out and says to himself, “I cannot play for these jackasses anymore,” there’s no going back.

There's no going back, unless you're Hakeem Olajuwon, who as you LITERALLY JUST FUCKING MENTIONED, asked for a trade, didn't get one, and regrouped to win two titles with the same team he tried to escape.  The same thing happened to Kobe just a few years ago.

We wasted five years of Boogie’s career.

All "we" did was see him learn the intricacies of the NBA game, develop a devastating arsenal of post moves complemented by a reliable jumper, and go from a complete liability on defense to one of the league’s best rim protectors.  Clearly, "we" have failed him.  Is there a priest alive who would absolve us?

Things that concern me in no particular order …

A. Why didn’t Blake’s elbow injury submarine the Clippers’ season?

Because, as you yourself mention in the upcoming CP3 section, he upped his game in response to the injury?  Or because he's secretly sneakily quietly not as good as "we" thought?

B. He’s headed for his third straight Antoine Walker Award, given annually to the NBA star who provokes the highest ongoing level of disdain from opponents and referees.

Well the refs thing is a problem, as it hurts them with calls.  But other players don't like him?  When KG does it, it's super sneaky smart psychological warfare, but when Blake does it, it's immature and disrespectful to the sanctity of the game.

A 6-foot-10 power forward who’s built like a Greek god, plays waaaaay above the rim and once averaged 12 boards a game as a rookie can’t grab eight rebounds a night in his fifth NBA season?

Blake Griffin is not close to 6 10.  I don't think he's even listed there.  Probably closer to 6-7.

Excuse No. 2: There aren’t enough available rebounds now that Contract Year DeAndre has become possessed by Wilt Chamberlain’s ghost.

Notice how he can't compliment DJ for shooting 73% from the field (record pace) and grabbing almost 15 boards a game without reminding us that it's FOR THE WRONG REASONS.  BILL RUSSELL WOULD HAVE PLAYED WORSE IN CONTRACT YEARS JUST TO SHOW HE WAS ABOUT TEAM FIRST LAST AND ALWAYS.

Super-Blake was and is untradable. But Not-As-Reckless-Above-Average-Elbow-Shooter-Who-Can’t-Get-Two-Rebounds-A-Quarter Blake? You tell me.

If he's averaging 22 points and 5 assists a game, leading fast breaks and putting a ton of pressure by forcing teams to respect his ability to fly to the rim at any given moment?  Then yes.  But you only remind us like 6 times a column that the nba is changing and spacing is super important, so how could you be expected to apply that knowledge when it runs contrary to your logically questionable scalding taek?

“Teammates lived in perpetual fear of letting him down. Coaches struggled to reach him and ultimately left him alone. Referees dreaded calling his games, knowing they couldn’t toss the league’s best player even as he was serenading them with F-bombs. Fans struggled to connect with a prodigy who had little interest in connecting with them.”

Did I write that in my NBA book about Chris Paul … or Oscar Robertson?

"What an asshole"

Did I write that about Bill Simmons...or Mahmoud Ahamadinejad?  /high fives self.

(I went to a Grizzlies game a few weeks ago in which he absolutely destroyed Mike Conley, who’s only one of the league’s best 25 players.)

He also recently outplayed Russell Westbrook, who's much better than Mike Conley, but was Bill at that Game?

Can you point to another example of a ball-dominating little guy who also won four straight playoff rounds?

Isiah Thomas?

But Isiah trusted his teammates way more than CP3 does.

Yay for something he's never mentioned before and can't really be proven, but is convenient to the point he's making now!

You would have loved playing with Isiah.

Something he knows from his extensive experience with pickup basketball.

It’s crazy that he hasn’t played in a conference finals game yet … but it’s also not that crazy.

Because he yells at his teammates and stuff, is the implication.  Would champions Kobe or KG ever do that?   He's made the second round three times, and lost to the Spurs twice and the OKC once.  The west is really tough, but that's trivial compared to the Secret, don't you think?

If KD weren’t an incumbent MVP coming off of one of the best offensive seasons in 40 years, I would have panic-dropped him to sixth. Oh wait, I just did.

That is some excellent dramatic tension you built up there.  I totally didn't think you were going to downgrade him because of one injury prone season, but I underestimated your boldness.  You, sir, are a certified bad ass. 

For the first time in the history of my Sports Guy column, we’re dusting off the old Dr. Jack Breakdown gimmick and turning it into a threesome.

Now I never saw an original Dr jack breakdown.  I can only assume he would make up a  bunch of meaningless categories and debate who has a cooler nickname.

Meanwhile, Golden State has Curry locked down for $10.63 million (this season), $11.37 million (2015-16), and $12.1 million (2016-17). He won’t make as much money over those three years as Marcin Gortat. Anytime someone can make $11 million per year and you feel bad for them, you know they’re a bargain.

Notice how he always rails against the injustice of young stars being underpaid and old stars being overpaid without ever connecting the dots?

BEST GIMMICK: Sorry, fellas, you’re not topping Harden’s beard.

Steph curry done got TOLD.

Steph knocking on the door of the 50-40-90 Club while jacking up a staggering EIGHT 3s per game (good luck ever seeing that again)

Considering Isiah Thomas once led the league in 3pt % with 28 or something, I think if our timeline is "ever", then someone as good or better than Curry will eventually come asking.  Still super impressive and unprecedented, but bill can't make an obvious point without being a shithead.

Harden trying to become the first lefty to average 27, 7 and 6

If LeBron gets six titles, I'm sure simmons will say "BORING...a right handed dude already did that.  Wake me up when a left handed gay Pakistani who only played cricket until age 19 gets to six.  THAT would make me flip over from the Celts 86 championship DVD."

did I mention that Westbrook is a guard and he’s averaging eight freaking rebounds per 36 minutes?

How to mislead with stats chapter 2:
Present a whole bunch of numbers on a per game basis, then throw one in as per 36 at the last minute.


Ok, this section is mostly pretty good except

and Westbrook’s usage rate is threatening to break 2006 Kobe’s all-time NBA record (not necessarily a positive).

Except for the part where Westbrook is averaging twice as many assists as Kobe was and scoring less.  Also, Lamar Odom was a better offensive player, and definitely could do more with the ball in his hands than anyone on the thunder besides Durant.  Not that Kobe wasn't great that year and probably should have won MVP.

Golden State hides Curry on D as much as possible, but he’s a better and smarter defender than people realize. (Maybe he’s not Chris Paul on that end, but he’s not Damian Lillard either.)

So he's somewhere between great and terrible. Clearly not what people realize.

Westbrook plays with so much confidence/swagger/ferocity that he can’t stop going into 2006 Kobe mode, especially late in games, which is the best and the worst thing about him.

This is the second time this column he's called out a team's best player for shooting too much during crunch time.  You know damn well that if Anthony morrow or Matt Barnes miss a big 3 in the playoffs he'll be all "herp derp franchise player gotta take that shot, that's why he's the franchise player."  Although I guess that's true of any of a number of sportswriters.  But they suck too.


Perhaps you thought I was kidding!

Curry and Harden can eviscerate opposing defenses — and have — but only Westbrook makes you feel like you’re watching Lia— whoops, like you’re watching a WWE star sprint into a crowded Royal Rumble ring and immediately start clearing it out. He doesn’t need a nickname, but he might need his own entrance music. ADVANTAGE: WESTBROOK.

Sam Presti: we can trade Westbrook for Curry.  Should we do it?  What do you think staff?
VP of Common Sense: [running model corvette across the table]Vroom! Vroom! Westbrook goes fast!  also his mask reminds me of wrestling one time I went to see WWE and the guys were all like BOOM CRASH and I got scared until my daddy told me they were all playing make believe!  Milk and cookies! I want milk and cookies!

But Curry is turning into this generation’s Tim Duncan

You mean he's good at basketball, doesn't do drugs and is light skinned to boot?  quick, someone get Bill Plaschke an IV he's passing out!

an unselfish superstar who doesn’t want to be an alpha dog

You think he WANTS to shoot 8 threes a game?  It tears him apart inside that he must on this mask of false confidence and take all those shots so far from the basket!  His teammates are just standing there.  How could it be fun for them?

I loved that he loved Klay Thompson’s 37-point Über–Heat Check quarter more than anyone

Westbrook doesn't excitedly chest bump Durant when he his big shots? Harden doesn't get amped after a big time dunk by Dwight?   Only a complete asshole wouldn't celebrate with teammates in that situation.


Ok we're not even pretending this is about trade value anymore, right?  This, even more than an ordinary column, is just "hey guys guess who's more awesome based on bill's awesome-ometer that he calibrated on shit that randomly popped into his head."

Then again, the right pop-culture comparison for Westbrook (at least lately) is Scarlett Johansson in Lucy.

Oh snap, I bet you thought it was Schwarzenegger in commando.  You must feel really silly now.

Remember when her brain usage started expanding and she started making crazy stuff happen?

So it wasn't a movie about how her capable friend or co worker was suddenly unable to do something so she has to pick up the slack, which she does really well? Silly me, I thought the popular culture analogy would be applicable to Russ's season.

Hasn’t that been Westbrook these past few weeks? He’s using 7 percent of his brain and the number is climbing.

Totally. It all makes sense now.
/dthe squirts Elmer's glue down his throat.


And look what was accomplished by saving words on actual basketball analysis. Important ground was broken elsewhere.


This is also a great metric for judging online sports columnists, I hear.

If your child is under 10 and searching for a hoops team that not-so-coincidentally might have a chance to win multiple titles, or you’re one of those secretly shady NBA fans-for-hire who drifts around from contender to contender because “I just root for players I like,”

If you are a REAL FAN and find yourself getting excited about Steph curry hitting a bunch of contested 3s, you immediately squeeze a lemon in each eye, punch yourself in the nuts and call the REAL FAN HOTLINE to confess. Some of us have dignity you fucking bandwagoning pieces of shit out there.

They’re irresistable. They’re bandwagon catnip.

Apparently, people are getting behind the best team in the league. Just when I thought I'd seen everything.

MEDIA SAVVY: You’d think Curry would win this in a landslide.

Holy shit, why do I subject myself to this?

But what about Westbrook’s tough-love strategy? I kind of dig it. Total dick for a week, goes generic for a week, becomes nice and thoughtful the next week. He’s like the arrogant, hard-to-get ladies’ man in a rom-com who keeps playing the frazzled-but-successful woman in his office who’s way too cute not to have a boyfriend (only she’s all about her work and her home life is a mess). Russell thanked us today! What does this mean? Does he like me? I love Russell Westbrook

who in the kingdom of earthly fuckwads has their experience of watching sports enhanced by reading this? who?

MOST ANNOYING QUALITY: Westbrook’s shot selection trumps Curry’s ankles (not his fault, but still) and Harden’s occasional matador routine. But I’m going one step deeper —

I spent a sentence discussing things relevant to sorts. How shallow of me.

Harden’s uncanny ability to succeed with the same move over and over again

That is fairly annoying.

turns those Rockets games into a CBS procedural drama. You barely need to watch.

Totally! my brain can scarcely distinguish a Terrence Jones rebound from Angie Harmon interrogating a suspect.


Have I patted myself on the back for my prescient analysis of the Harden trade yet? You think the fact that it has literally zero relevance to this column is going to stop me? well you know what? CAN'T STOP ME.

UNIQUENESS FACTOR: Brutal category. Westbrook is basically Jim Brown 50 years later with basketball shorts on. And I just compared him to Teen Wolf and a poisoned movie character who uses so much of her brain that she becomes a robot, then turns invisible.

You know, there are very few categories that make a popular contemporary athlete less unique than "did bill Simmons make a meaningless pop culture analogy to describe him and then try to present the fact he made this analogy as having some intrinsic signifance?"

The Harden Experience wouldn’t have made sense even 25 years ago. We would have been saying stuff like “He needs to post up more” and “He’s killing them with all those dumb 3s.”

Not if he made 37% of those threes in an era when no one made 30% consistently, you fucking dunce.

There is nothing — repeat, nothing — more exciting as an NBA fan right now than being in the house when Steph Curry is feeling it. Bird had the same quality, by the way.

he's just fucking with us at this point, right? Even Mike francesa wouldn't this shamelessly and pointlessly insert mickey mantle into a conversation like this.

If you have the money and the Warriors are passing through your city, go see Steph Curry. You want to be there if he starts feeling it. Trust me.

If you like basketball go watch someone who's really good at it. Thank god for bill, I wouldn't know how to follow sports without him.


Wait, are we talking about the trade value of Westbrook, Harden and Curry?

Westbrook’s aforementioned overcompetitiveness worries me long-term; I don’t love the track record of NBA stars who play that recklessly all the time. For instance, Larry Bird left seven to eight years on the table because

Bam, left turn! We're still talking about Larry Bird because yayyy Celtics 8 seed, BEAT LA BEAT LA.

MOST VALUABLE RIGHT NOW: My take on MVP with four crucial weeks to go: LeBron is the best player, Anthony Davis is the best two-way player,

So your criteria for best player and best player taking into account both offense and defense are different?

Westbrook is the best one-man wrecking crew, Curry is the best player on the best team, and Harden was the most valuable through the first 75 percent of the season. Showed up every night, carried the shakiest supporting cast, did the most, played at an exceptionally high level. (Hold on, big “but” coming.) BUT, if the Warriors reach 67 or 68 wins and go down as a historically great regular-season team, NBA history says Curry will cruise to the MVP. (Their current record: 53-13.) Harden gets my vote for now.

But I thought he was EXACTLY like criminal minds? How can he be the MVP???

it is actually frightening that this man has an MVP vote. I resolved to finish this tonight but I am at a complete loss right now. Fucking tits, people read this guy...
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Re: DThe's Revenge: Trade Value Column III, 3/17/15

Postby ctz31 » 18 Mar 2015, 08:02

Theny wrote:I think we're all getting really carried away with Anthony Davis. Simmons doesn't even mention how he's hurt evry 3 weeks.

It's true. Every fucking morning the dude is DTD. Last night he "landed awkwardly on his hip" Be more of a gash. He is going to end up with chronic problems. A candle in the wind before all is said an done.
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Re: DThe's Revenge: Trade Value Column III, 3/17/15

Postby MisterTambourineMan » 18 Mar 2015, 09:43


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Re: DThe's Revenge: Trade Value Column III, 3/17/15

Postby Gregs Kite » 20 Mar 2015, 07:15

Stellar work, as always, DTF. Although for a seemingly smart dude, you can't seem to grasp Simmons' unwillingness to let go of shoehorning Boston references in every column.

Aldoe, I suppose that helps fuel your rage. Which in turn pukes out this fantastic breakdown.

You know what? Fuck it. Keep on keepin on.
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Re: DThe's Revenge: Trade Value Column III, 3/17/15

Postby Dthefritz » 21 Mar 2015, 16:51

I suppose I should finish breaking down this column, but anyway, his LeBron section was basically "here are some numbers that prove absolutely nothing. Is LeBron getting old? MAYBE"

That was fun.

1. Anthony Davis
In 2007’s Trade Value column, I wrote that “2007 LeBron and 2007 [Dwight] Howard are more untradeable than anyone in the seven-year history of this ‘Trade Value’ column, even surpassing (gulp) 2001 Shaq and 2003 Duncan.”

LeBron in 2007 was clearly way more untradeable than LeBron in 2008 or 2006. No one denies this!

Look what happened to the 2007 guys. LeBron has become a four-time MVP, a two-time champ and one of the best 10 players ever. Dwight has made only one Finals and never won an MVP, and started breaking down four years later.

Translation: Dwight became the best center in the league, who I unfairly criticized because he had the audacity to help lead Orlando to victory over the FACKIN BASKETBAWL JESUS SAWX in the 2009 playoffs.

He never won the MVP because he peaked at the same time as LeBron, who as you point out is one of the best 10 players ever. He made the finals once because the Magic front office shit the bed with a series of horrendous moves after 2009, at which point he moved out West, where any of a number of great players have not made the Finals because there are a shit load of great teams. In last year's playoffs, Dwight was really fucking good but the team lost in part because super awesome LEFTY beardo had a subpar series, something that Simmons apparently forgot to mention in the 35,000 words of comparing Harden to Tom Selleck in Bluebloods.

You never know. It’s 50-50 once a young star reaches anything-is-possible status.


You need injury luck, you need the right situation, and you need the player to want it. For every Shaq, there’s a Dwight.

This is the part of the anti-Dwight campaign that bugs me the most. People like Simmons just think that because he's really big and strong, Dwight could have been the next Shaq if he just WANTED IT ENOUGH, or didn't smile so much or whatever. Shaq was a much more skilled offensive player and was 7-1 with 330 pounds of muscle (and at times 50-70 pounds of fat). Howard is a much better defensive player and is about 6-9 270. Whatever Howard's failings, it was unrealistic to expect him to live up to Shaq. It's partially his own fault, of course, as he creepily imitated Shaq every bit as much as Kobe creepily imitated Jordan. But it's a real stretch to say that Dwight was some gross underachiever because he didn't live up to the legacy of a player who was at his peak arguably the most dominant force in basketball history.

For every Duncan, there’s a C-Webb.

What if I told you that Jason Whitlock once wrote an article claiming that C-Webb failed to be the next Tim Duncan because he rebelled against his middle class upbringing and tried to be hood, and that somehow tied in with him spending to much time on the perimeter?

He just turned 22 years old and hasn’t even played 6,500 career minutes yet. He’s the best screen-and-roller since Young Robinson. Longer arms than McHale. Freakocious athlete like Hakeem. Light on his feet like Young Duncan. Drains 20-footers like Bosh. Protects the paint like KG.

You could mix and match basically all of these categories with the players mentioned. What if he had long arms like Bosh, protected the paint like Young Duncan, was a "freakocious" athlete like KG and was light on his feet like Hakeem?

And look, I don’t know how this will play out. But I have been attending NBA games since the 1973-74 season, back when my father carried me as a tiny 4-year-old into Boston Garden and hoped that I would fall in love with the sport. I did. Over the next 41 years (and counting), I watched maybe 25 up-and-coming stars who just seemed different from everyone else.

Subtext: if you question the assertion that I'm an expert on basketball because I watch it, then you are insulting my family!

Young Durant was all arms and legs, and he weighed about 20 pounds, but he had that crazy release and you just knew something unforgettable would happen with him. Young Hakeem and Young Robinson were Greek gods; they moved at a different speed, and with a different level of coordination, than anyone I had ever seen. Young Duncan had those beautiful feet; he just glided effortlessly wherever he wanted to go.

Only season ticket holders at the Gahhden realized these things.

Young MJ was indescribable; I’m not even going to betray the experience by cramming it into one sentence. Young Kobe and Young Penny looked like MJ and Magic had cloned themselves just for kicks.

Let me continue telling you everything you arleady know about basketball and pathetically attempt to sound poetic while doing so.

Young Shaq was unfair around the basket; you couldn’t keep him away from the rim unless you had a two-by-four. Young Barkley was a bowling ball crossed with a runaway train. Young C-Webb looked like a combination of everything you’d ever liked about every power forward you’d ever liked. Young LeBron looked and played like he was 28 already; he’s the surest thing I have ever seen, a true prodigy in every sense.

So people thought LeBron would be really good in the mid-2000's. Huh. Good thing Mr. Basketball Historian is on the case.

So that’s the first stage: the old Gladwell Blink test

The result of Simmons' snap judgement on Anthony Davis: It's a black guy, run for your life!

Tonight, we know that about 16,000 people will pack the Smoothie King Center to watch the Pelicans play the Bucks.

Aren't "we" so sophisticated? We can google the name of their arena and its seating capacity to build up towards some vague, meaningless point.

We know the Pelicans will probably win. And we have absolutely no idea what the Brow will do.

"Absolutely no idea". Will he come out of the tunnel wearing pajamas? Will he interrupt the national anthem by grabbing the singer's mic and screaming "Fuck the troops, you ain't fighting for me!" We don't know. WE DON'T KNOW.

A quadruple-double? Can’t rule it out. 40 and 20? Not impossible. 35, 10 and 15? It’s in play. A game-winning off-balance 3 with two guys draped over him? Sure.

So we know that he will play basketball very well, but we do not know his exact statistics for the game in advance. This is really meaningful and specific to the Brow.

Anthony Davis might play 50,000 minutes over the next 15 to 20 years. He might climb one or two levels higher than this current one. He might win multiple MVPs and multiple titles; I would be shocked if that didn’t happen.

Except for the part where you just pointed out that great young players can often get injured or get stuck on the wrong team. Other than that, it would be SHOCKING if things somehow didn't work out for him.

But he’s going to be young and great only once.

Anthony Davis will eventually get older, you heard it hear first.

This doesn’t happen often.

So to recap, rarely does the NBA see a great young player with a lot of potential, except for Hakeem Olajuwon, David Robinson, MJ, Kobe, Magic, Penny, Shaq, Chris Webber, LeBron, Kevin Durant, Derrick Rose, Dwight Howard, T-Mac, Bob McAdoo, Tim Duncan, Kareem and Bill Walton.
And those are just the players he saw fit to mention in the past few paragraphs.

At any point in NBA history, there is at least one young player who seems poised to take over the league one day. Anthony Davis is the latest such player. He's so good, in fact, that he doesn't need you to inflate his reputation by shitting mindless drivel onto a keyboard. You have nothing to add to this conversation. Go home.
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Re: DThe's Revenge: Trade Value Column III, 3/17/15

Postby Colonel Angus » 21 Mar 2015, 19:59

I'm pretty sure I couldn't have kept young Shaq (or old Shaq, for that matter,) away from the rim even WITH a two-by-four.
"Isn't it no, baas or something? That's how I read it in a boxing book. It's South African or something."
- _, on Roberto Duran.
_ - Sun Jan 31 5:06 pm:
"it was such a sexy goal, that punched me right in the balls. metaphorically"
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Re: DThe's Revenge: Trade Value Column III, 3/17/15

Postby MisterTambourineMan » 23 Mar 2015, 21:02

Didn't see this yet, but again Dthe


And, uh...well....it's me saying this so no one will give five fucks, but uh......getting realllllll irked about his KG stupidity. KG was and has never been a great rim protector, I know that but that's what Simmons went with? Ok. While blowing Webber? And Dirk? Ok. Cool. Sweet. *wank*
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Re: DThe's Revenge: Trade Value Column III, 3/17/15

Postby Dthefritz » 23 Mar 2015, 22:11

MisterTambourineMan wrote:Didn't see this yet, but again Dthe


And, uh...well....it's me saying this so no one will give five fucks, but uh......getting realllllll irked about his KG stupidity. KG was and has never been a great rim protector, I know that but that's what Simmons went with? Ok. While blowing Webber? And Dirk? Ok. Cool. Sweet. *wank*

Not to defend simmons, but he's far from the only person to conflate weak side shot blocking and rim protection. That's how players like Marcus Camby leave the paint wide open 20 times per game to contest shots, resulting in 3 blocks and 17 uncontested tip ins, and win DPOY for their troubles.

As for C Webb, he overrated him coming out of school (like most people tbf) and then cooked up a ridiculous after the fact narrative about how his career was ruined because TOO MUCH TOO SOON. In reality, he had a good career, lost a couple of close series to the Lakers, and then broke down in his early 30s. But of course that doesn't sell as many books as cheap armchair psychology and a bunch of "intangibles" snake oil.
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