Bill Simmons: Yes or no, would you believe this tweet?
@WojYahooNBA Sources: Suns-Knicks talks for Dragic derailed because of Phil Jackson’s spotty cell phone service in St. Bart’s.
Yes or no, would you believe that anyone, let alone somebody paid to write about sports humorously, would be bad at making fun of the walking joke that is the Knicks franchise?
Simmons: I liked the Afflalo deal for Portland, but thought they blew it by not offering the same package for Jeff Green last month. Green would have allowed them to play small ball, with Aldridge at the 5.
Instead of analyzing the trade that actually happened, let me make an irrelevant point about an ex Celtic. who says no?
Simmons: I am making this point for the second time this week: Dragic was the fourth-best guard in basketball last season. I voted him second-team All-NBA.
Not as terrible an opinion as I would like it to be, but in addition to curry, CP3 and Harden, lowry was much better last year IMO.
By the way, I keep picturing the Dragic brothers hitting South Beach dressed like Martin and Aykroyd in the famous “Wild and Crazy Guys” sketch. Can’t we Photoshop the heads of the Dragic brothers on them for a GIF with South Beach behind them? Or would a straightforward Miami Vice Photoshop make more sense?
Just make your hacky and dated pop culture reference already, no one gives a fuck about your creative process.
Goldsberry: Dragic is really good with the right guys. Last year, Vogel called the Dragic-Frye pick-and-roll “maybe the hardest to cover in the game.”
See, this shit is not hard.
Simmons: How sad is it that the greatest Timberwolves moment in 11 years — seriously, 11 years — is bringing an ancient KG back home to play his final two months on a terrible basketball team?
and it's definitely the greatest moment because I said so and am never wrong.
Simmons: Remember in Rounders when they all ended up at the same Atlantic City poker table and Mike McD said, “Welcome to the Chesterfield South”? Then they all stayed at the table, played together and stole the money of every overmatched tourist that sat down at the table? That’s how like 20 NBA GMs feel about Billy King. He’s the overmatched tourist who keeps sitting down at the table as they all sneak smiles at each other. Welcome to the Chesterfield South again, Billy!
billy king should have had multiple favorable offers for a 60 million dollar big man who has bad knees and can't protect the rim. That is exactly like a movie about gambling from almost two decades ago.
I can’t decide if Reggie [Jackson] is overrated or underrated.
How about you just say how good you think he is and not worry about his ratedness for one fucking second? Oh right, that involves analyzing basketball for its own sake and that's apparently beneath an editor in chief.
Simmons: Bob Sarver just reenacted the christening scene in The Godfather. Steve Nash is about to get shot in the eyeglasses during a massage.
of course! GM trading a talented but troubled player = mob boss having people killed! That is such a cogent analogy, I will never be able to watch the Godfather again without thinking of Isaiah Thomas!
Simmons: Woj and Steiny Mo are going head-to-head right now inThe Challenge. We’re about to find out who is CT and who is Johnny Bananas.
presented without comment.
Simmons: Forgot to mention: Isaiah Thomas and Avery Bradley grew up in Tacoma together. They’re best friends. You finally have teammates who like you, Isaiah Thomas!!!! Do you think he can be the first player to lead the league in points and assists since Tiny Archibald? I might be setting the bar too high.
I don't know if it ever occurred to mr. journalism school graduate, but instead of writing something stupid and then saying it's stupid, you can just not write it.
Boston gets Tiny Archibald Thomas.
no, just no, this is not a thing. Stop it.
Houston gets broke man’s Scottie Pippen.
i don't know what that means, but as long as that merely signifies that Kj McDaniel is also black and can jump really high, then I can't argue.
Crap, I forgot about Enes Kanter! Welcome to Waiters Island, Enes! Can I freeze you out from a cold beverage?
that almost makes sense! High Five! Although props for making an actual point about how a player might fit in on His new team.
Simmons: What an astounding turn of events for Chris Bosh. Remember when we believed that Bosh willingly passed up four years of contending Rockets teams for an extra $30 million and two more months off a year in Miami?
What do you mean "when"? That is a fairly accurate take on his re signing.
Now he’s playing with Dragic, Wade, Deng and an emerging 7-foot center who’s routinely throwing up 20-20s.
Because he obviously knew in advance that they'd sign a guy off the scrap heap who would block shots and rebound at a record rate, and luck into a very favorable trade to upgrade their weakest position! It is reasonable to assume that he knew these things would happen!
That might be a better situation than Houston if Dwight Howard can’t get healthy! What the hell just happened? Chris Bosh is the new Keyser Soze.
Guy who out toughed and out witted the Turkish mafia = guy who signed with two future hof'ers. sweet, I'll totally have to bring this up to the Bros at the water cooler.
; any white guy who likes to shoot open 3s and dreamed of living in OKC who can now live vicariously through Kyle Singler and Steve Novak
ZOMG useless white guys firing off 3s for a contender! This had never happened before!
Bill Simmons makes America dumber. Don't let your children read him.